Crash Bang Wollop, what a come back: Corinthians 6 - 4 Allen &Overy

As Halloween approaches a festive fear of witches and Catholics will most likely spread through London. I say burn them all in case they curse us all and take the country for their own, nose warts and white candles will be mandatory.

It was just such a curse, the 6pm curse that nearly nobbled the invincible’s on a temperate Thursday at the end of October. Rushing to prepare the discord and lack of readiness rang out to the tune of, ‘I’ve got bloody spiders in my shoes’. Something about Nevill’s anguished cry suggested that this is an oft trodden household problem and ghoulishly relevant to the annual calendar as we saw at the end of the game, when the now suspected witch Olly Nevill left the Attlee building with spiders crawling out of his jacket.

It turns out that if you are ten minutes late you begin a game a goal down. This was nonchalantly observed by the Corinthians and their spider housing witch, though perhaps the confidence was misplaced as the early tussles all went the way of the opposition. The game launched at a frantic pace that afforded Allen & Overy the opportunity to take advantage of a few lapses in concentration and pick up a penalty for a back pass and when Lewis afforded the striker a yard of space he left Gomes standing. With only about 5 minutes gone, a 3 nil deficit was sending visible concern that the long awaiting bubble bursting defeat was about to court the Corinthians with all the elegance of Marlon King at a debutants ball.

Thankfully, the Corinthians are a resilient and naturally gifted bunch of fellows. The performance from this point in was a thing to beholden and strength, speed of though and some fantastic passing exchanges in and around the flawless on pitch movement were to win the day.

Waxing lyrical about this god like performance whilst preparing a bowl of ambrosia and wearing my golden fleece is very tempting, but I thought that this week we’d let the team tell the story in their on inimitable words:

CHRIS:

We went 3-0 down (starting 1-0 down because we were late – which is ridiculous), then I came off the bench did a 1-2 with you to open the scoring which personally I think was the turning point!  We cruised to 5-3 I think from there.

Deian scored a pen, Phil hit the bar/post 4 times from one shot and I set a record for number of free kicks conceded in 5 mins. Chad nearly blew a vein in goal.

PHIL:

I know I got ONE! – the clincher!

The all important sixth.

I am conveniently trying to forget the 12 I fucked up and am more happy to recall the ONE! (and maybe the one that hit the post and the one that hit the bar twice and the post)

Sorry about turning on shooting all the time – it happens when ‘strikers’ go through barren spells.

I’ll be like Darren Bent and they will be going in off my arse in the next game.

OLLY (witch):

After some silky action on the right flank I fed you the ball inside and you buried it!!!

I scored 1 also 2 for Dejan 1 for Finners 1 for Phil!

I think that is it!!!

I couldn’t have put it better myself.

Once the lurking shady threat of spellbinding has passed over us, I shall see you all next week.

Corinthians 6 - 0 AIR

A belated match report this week as the London Bier fest interrupted the normal process of events.

As the list of Corinthian victories grows longer the ‘invincibles’ have an ever mounting reputation to protect. This is the type of pressure that broke the Roman Empire. As yet though, the Corinthians are enjoying the halcyon days of unity and success befitting the earlier Augustan rule, with a good couple of centuries and the birth of a messiah to go before the inevitable faction fighting and relenting of territory to a bunch of marauding barbarians.

Thursday night saw yet another clinical display from the imperial forces, I mean the Corinthians. Davison, Cenamor, Gomes, Brown, Lewis and Tjaardstra lined up in an attack minded fashion to face one of the Attlee league new boys. There was added pep to the occasion with the as yet unquantifiable opposition being lead by one of Cenamor’s house mates meaning that house hold bragging rights were on the five aside pitch shaped table.

2 goals for Brown, 1 for Lewis, 2 for Cenamor, 1 for Tjaardstra made the score line a secure looking 6-0 by the final whistle, there is also rumours afoot that City Fives are investing in reinforced crossbars to cope with the sheer number and force of Davison hammer blows. It was the usual story for the Champions though, early dominance and fluid motion slowly winding down into the type of red faced wheezing and lumbering over confidence which bellows out like Brian Blessed having a coughing fit calling to Gomez to make his now trademark collection of empirically impossible reaction saves to keep the goal out of reach of the opposition.

There was no concealing the zeal of Cenamor as he immediately took the game by the scruff of the neck in a running pitch battle with his housemate resulting in him coming out on top, but at the expense of his mobility. Doctors say, he may never walk again and there will be a club collection sent round to see if we can gather enough money together for a discarded NHS wheel chair, or at least a pair of Heely’s trainer Skates and a piece of string to pull him around London on.

The opposition where no push over though and it should be noted that with a bit more recruitment and practice, there may be grudge match of begrudgingly grudge like proportions awaiting us in December.

Corinthians 6 - 1 Hawthorn Tomkins

Paul Bryant once said, ‘Show class, have pride and display character. If you do, winning takes care of itself’.

But who was Paul Bryant? He was an American Football coach who wore a hounds tooth hat and generally coached teams that won all the time. He was famed for wearing only one piece of jewelry, a ring that said, ‘the junction boys’ on it.

I am having a giant sovereign ring with ‘the Incisive lads’ emblazoned on it. Presumably when I die of a massive heart attack in a local hospital people will assume that this is some kind of homosexual homage rather than the sense of sentimental loyalty and identity that it was intended to indicate. That will be due to my anonymity, so to avoid it, I intend to die on the grounds of the Attlee community centre, thus appearing more like a hounds tooth hat wearing paedophile and groomer of the less fortunate than simply some old gay man.

You just can’t win.

But the Corinthian can 6-1 in fact.

The usual inauspicious beginnings rang in the air. 4 men, one withered old alchie, one peanut lunged hangover, a walking flu and a goal keeper in the midst of a never ending perpetual party lumbered into the changing rooms, but LO, who should show his rosy face to make up the 5 men, Finnegan, half cut but brimming with enthusiasm.

It took hawthorn just 30 seconds to bag goal number one after a subdued Lewis failed to show sufficient strength losing out to the Hawthorn black cat, mound of muscle who slammed the ball past Gomez.

Creeping doubt was apparent on the blue side of the pitch, but it didn’t last. The lungs may have been wheezing, the legs wobbling, but the natural footballing intelligence of the side in blue shined through…which rhymes.

Sensible defending and fantastic movement and distribution won the day.

The highlights were the relentless fervour of the goal keeper, prompting moans of disbelief from the opposition:

Cenamor’s 4 goals including the nutmeg nearly goal:

Glynn’s modus operandi fake kick at the ball, before the whistle had even gone for the kick to be taken. Unforgiving psychological war fare:

Finnegans unselfish release into the path of Cenamor in a 2 touch each passing movement that went through the entire side.

And finally, the broken shell of man that was Lewis, finally pulling himself together to deliver the killer blow 6 th goal out of nothing.

The celebrations were noticeable, a team that knows it just played incredibly well against the odds.

May it long continue, until the ultimate decline of an anonymous manager in a hounds tooth hat.

Corinthians 6- 2 Hawthorn Tompkins

Joan Osborne once asked us, ‘What if God was one of us? What would you do?’.

Well if he was playing for a 5 aside team facing the Corinthians, we’d put him to the proverbial sword, not just because the physical sword would inevitably have little effect on a supernatural being, but because quite frankly, we’d be better than him.

It was an ‘Incisive’ performance from the Corinthians last night as the purported challengers for the crown were swept aside 6-2 in what was indisputably the finest performance of the season.

Not all the signs were initially auspicious, the goal keeper and the appointed striking option having been on the ‘sauce’, (more Smirnoff than shirts smeared with HP brown sauce), and the Corinthians were subjected to the psychological warfare indignity of having to change in the ladies toilets. It was clear though from the whistle that this game was only ever going to go one way.

Going forward the movement was lucid and intelligent, one two’s, a confident air on the ball and probing through balls and shooting characterized the blue side of Aldgate’s game. In defence, the recovery runs were relentless, the positioning and sharpness of organization was as if the team was of one mind and the tackling dogged but fair. It was a thing to beholden and not even the second coming emerging from an Aldgate based tomb would have torn any crowds eye from such scintillating football.

Cenamor used his boozed up swagger to confident effect, holding on to the ball and taunting the opposition with the footwork of Muhammed Ali: 1 goal

Brown clocked in for his shift bagged two goals and ensured that in the final 10 minutes there was a giant between the opposition and the football intelligently holding it up and keeping the ball with the Corinthians whenever the game threatened to get a little loose. 2 goals

Finnegan worked like a man who’d just completed a Rocky VI montage sequence and was saving the world from communism with his performance, no man could escape tackling of this fervour. 1 goal

Gomes had little to do, but the best keepers inspire the best defensive performances, and there aren’t superlatives enough for the speed of thought for the throw out 1-2’s with the players that knocked it back to him and then headed goalward.

Tjaadstra emerged as man of the match playing football more akin to a seasoned professional than a journalist with his shorts pulled up in Stewart Pearce fashion under his armpits (!!) His positioning was excellent going forward and back, reactions fast and is that just a haircut or have you lost weight? Are you Andy Reid? 1 goal

Lewis, just pleased to be there. 1 goal.

So the title is won in emphatic undefeated style, Ali in his pomp, Paxman on a roll, Man United 9-0 Swindon,  Blair in 1997, The sermon on the mount……

…..aint got nothin’ on us.

See you next week for the next exciting instalment…..!