Corinthians 6- 2 Hawthorn Tompkins

Joan Osborne once asked us, ‘What if God was one of us? What would you do?’.

Well if he was playing for a 5 aside team facing the Corinthians, we’d put him to the proverbial sword, not just because the physical sword would inevitably have little effect on a supernatural being, but because quite frankly, we’d be better than him.

It was an ‘Incisive’ performance from the Corinthians last night as the purported challengers for the crown were swept aside 6-2 in what was indisputably the finest performance of the season.

Not all the signs were initially auspicious, the goal keeper and the appointed striking option having been on the ‘sauce’, (more Smirnoff than shirts smeared with HP brown sauce), and the Corinthians were subjected to the psychological warfare indignity of having to change in the ladies toilets. It was clear though from the whistle that this game was only ever going to go one way.

Going forward the movement was lucid and intelligent, one two’s, a confident air on the ball and probing through balls and shooting characterized the blue side of Aldgate’s game. In defence, the recovery runs were relentless, the positioning and sharpness of organization was as if the team was of one mind and the tackling dogged but fair. It was a thing to beholden and not even the second coming emerging from an Aldgate based tomb would have torn any crowds eye from such scintillating football.

Cenamor used his boozed up swagger to confident effect, holding on to the ball and taunting the opposition with the footwork of Muhammed Ali: 1 goal

Brown clocked in for his shift bagged two goals and ensured that in the final 10 minutes there was a giant between the opposition and the football intelligently holding it up and keeping the ball with the Corinthians whenever the game threatened to get a little loose. 2 goals

Finnegan worked like a man who’d just completed a Rocky VI montage sequence and was saving the world from communism with his performance, no man could escape tackling of this fervour. 1 goal

Gomes had little to do, but the best keepers inspire the best defensive performances, and there aren’t superlatives enough for the speed of thought for the throw out 1-2’s with the players that knocked it back to him and then headed goalward.

Tjaadstra emerged as man of the match playing football more akin to a seasoned professional than a journalist with his shorts pulled up in Stewart Pearce fashion under his armpits (!!) His positioning was excellent going forward and back, reactions fast and is that just a haircut or have you lost weight? Are you Andy Reid? 1 goal

Lewis, just pleased to be there. 1 goal.

So the title is won in emphatic undefeated style, Ali in his pomp, Paxman on a roll, Man United 9-0 Swindon,  Blair in 1997, The sermon on the mount……

…..aint got nothin’ on us.

See you next week for the next exciting instalment…..!