Corinthians 15 - 1 Allen & Overy Victory 10/12/09

The first ever premier league goal was scored by Brian Deane. Proof positive that the most glamorous footballing institutions do not always begin that way and are instead often punctuated by a useless twat or a something as impressive as a discarded old sock.

(It is worth noting that if anyone has ever wondered why Middlesboro never managed to achieve the lofty goals promised by the early Brian Robson side, the fact that Robson is a useless, dithering alcoholic aside, in 1998 they signed Brian Deane from Benfica for 3 times what Benfica had paid for him just one year and 18 games earlier.)

In days gone by the Corinthians were supported by an overweight Egyptian/German who’s modus operandi was simply to run at the nearest opponent and smash him into the side walling. Not out of malice, but because he was too fat to curb his enthusiasm so to speak and momentum would drive both him and his victim through the nearest solid wall. Equally the Attlee youth centre on first impressions looks a little like a monkey house that has been converted to help the local youth find community. The pitch has on occasion been more suited to wearing a high visibility jacket and collecting the rubbish strewn about the place than it has the beautiful game.

And then came the Corinthians…..


Thursday night was a lesson in football to any who understand the game. Keiran Gardner topped the pre game headlines with a long awaited return from Australia, raising serious questions of the clubs flexible holidays policy. The clubs fortunes have far from dipped in his absence, but his return was met with much optimism.

Early signs implied that the Australian football prowess had somewhat rubbed off on him. The ever forthright Dave Brown stating post match…’you were terrible for the opening 2 minutes’. When it is considered that Gardner controlled 30% of the games possession and scored a hatful of goals, not considering assists, it seems an unfair summary of events. However these are the high standards we have come to expect. Welcome back Keiran, though do keep an eye out for your agent Olly Nevill, who may already be planning to sell you to a side in Uzbekistan to further line his pockets with transfer fees.

A 15-1 victory saw the boys in blue keeping possession for up to 5 minutes at a time; stroking the ball confidently from side to side; and never shirking the ball. It was competent football, packed with tight marking, tight passing and silken pre-booze George Best show boating.

Highlights of the evening were Cenamor’s early solo effort, Lewis’s defence splitting reverse pass for a Cenamor strike, Cenamor again with a half way howitzer and Gardner’s early goal off the wall-then-post.

Second only to this - at 13 nil, Gomez’s ever urgent one-to-one chat with the defence to attempt to shore us up for the inevitable come back? Which incidentally resulted in a goal for the opposition within about 30 seconds…..and an explosive reaction from the keeper.

There were goals for Finnegan and Brown as well, only Lewis was left out in the cold, or rather should be left out in the cold until he learns to kick the ball in a straight line.

Allen & Overy were left laughing at their own inability to get hold of the ball, remaining polite and well mannered throughout. This is the type of sporting mentality that we have come to expect from the Thursday league, though was a little like smiling and having a cup of tea whilst someone rapes your wife.

Onward, but upward? Can 20 goals really be scored in one 40 minute game? Perhaps the ever creeping return of one Andy Towning will help reach this lofty goal……..but probably not unless he scores them all himself - never having passed a football in his life unless it was into the back of the net.