All great artists have breaks in their flow of communication. Writers block, personal tragedy, the end of a ‘scene’ to which they belonged all part of the reason.
Often come backs inspire true genius, real progression and spiking public interest (see Blur), others like Oasis, dross regurgitation of what once was and squabbling childish one up man-ship, plausibly entertaining aged 20 but more like watch 2 wretched old alcoholics battle it out over the last bar stool by bringing an awkward looking young bar staff into the argument.
As such, with 2 weeks without a proper Corinthian match report an air of concern shrouds the round robin….when they return…it remains axiomatic that they will be confused and colourful, but will they be good? or will then be the crazed gibberings of a past it old captain clutching an old league trophy in the corner of a park whilst bashing out sententious accounts of sightings of Alex Ferguson on an old typewriter?
Only time will tell.
For the record though, Daniel Dunkley made his long awaited debut to face Allen & Overy 2 weeks ago in a 5-3 Corinthian victory. Hard work made of average opposition, but Dunkley provided some deft touches and regularly sent a baffled defender sprinting off into the distance with an elaborate feint….then promptly fell on his arse or lurched an exhausted leg out a the football ending it casually rolling into the opponents goal keepers arms. Fitness will no doubt improve this! Moment of the game though,
Gomez rolls to Lewis, facing his own goal touches back to Dunkley, Dunkley pass splits the defence, Murray turns on a penny and smashes home a superb goal.
P.s Finnegan scored the 3rd to break the 2 all deadlock, He’s very proud but after his shenanigans the Saturday before last is struck of the plaudits list until further notice….
Last week a narrow 4-3 win over ABG masked a triumphant performance highlights being:
The ABG goal that whizzed past the net into the side netting…but was given as a goal to send them up 1-0
The shot that slapped into keeper Lewis’s naked wet hand…..rendering him a cripple for life
The look of terror in Murray’s eyes as the goalkeeping duty fell heavily onto his shoulders and the score had sneaked ever closer to the disaster that would have been a draw….
Goals for Cenamor, Brown and unfortunately I can’t remember the last one….
But it definitely wasn’t Lewis, who with seconds left, was on the receiving end of a Barcelonaesque passing move, only the keeper to beat and with all the time in the universe, Lewis scuffed the ball wide of the post, possibly not even hitting the back boards, like a giant spastic cripple of a striker that his reputation affords him to be.
2 more wins, and the league looks to be on course for Corinthian ownership again, but with 2 close games, this week needs to be exciting enough to warrant a return to match reporting form.
Monday, 29 March 2010
Monday, 15 March 2010
11/03/10 Corinthians 6 - 2 Gartmore & Corinthians 6 - 3 JTP
This weeks reports will be each smaller more compact and generally more user friendly than the usual blithering nonsense.
Though in total a similar sized towel full of nonsense.
Japan has been taking this approach for years, however, Britain is traditionally slow on the uptake so this will act as a trial for the UK market.
A double header, 80 minutes of constant, high octane, liquid football awaited the Corinthians after a series of cancellations left them having played but 2 games and top of the table Gartmore streaking ahead with 5 games under their considerable belts.
2 wins and the Blue would be top, any calamity and the title race would be wide open, it’s suitors re-invigorated and sure to capitalise.
A fine turn out saw:
Davison
Gardner
Lewis
Finnegan
Brown
Murray
Gomez
Line up for game one to face league leaders Gartmore, and
Lewis
Brown
Finnegan
Tjaadstra
Kristen
Cenamor
Murray
Line up for game two, against seasoned opponents JTP.
A veritable master stroke in managerial logistical organisation created two equally balanced turn outs, bubbling with confidence and raw talent.
……………………………………………..
Vs Gartmore:
Gartmore were an unknown quantity with a fine goal scoring record and men upwards of fifty times the size of the average Corinthian. They also are underpinned with a reputation for having a goal keeper ‘even better than Chad Gomez’.
Incensed, Gomez volunteered his name for the team sheet despite putting himself in a position where he could only catch his train by sneaking down the previous evening and preparing a tunnel escape route over to Paddington which both avoided traffic and indulged his life long dream to feature in a re-enactment of the Great Escape.
Fresh from the grave after the strangulation incident there were concerns over the fitness of Finnegan, now a member of the living dead he is struggling to maintain a healthy diet, preferring to snack on the Brains of unsuspecting passers by.
To welcome his return to the game was a baying, blood thirsty crowd determined to pressurize the Corinthians into a defeat by rattling the ‘cage’ walls, leaping and climbing like the Chimps from planet of the apes preparing for a hunt and generally booing Finnegans every touch….begging the question, are the high fences of the Attlee pitch to keep the ball in, or to keep the community out?
Luckily though there was non fear from the champions. Immediately the football flowed like wine into troubled midfielder Tjaasdtra’s evening glass!
Gardner opened the scoring and there was no looking back, simple touches, sensible positioning and confidence on the ball resulted in an easy 6-2 victory….a victory punctuated by a Davison howling open goal miss (later made up for with 3 or 4 goals)which has lead to negotiations with Danny Baker for footage of the strike for his next side splitting gaffs video and the 490 one on ones that Lewis (not made up for with any goals) casually blasted directly at the keeper in an attempt to test out the ‘better than Gomez’ theory. Murray also slammed home from a tight angle to round of a clinical move and was notably delighted, the Scottish national coach has been sent an oil painting artists impression of the goal which it is understood is how he picks his strikers.
The contract for signing the Gartmore keeper had previously been prepared, but after careful consideration, Gomez has been deemed the better choice. Gomez’s famous leg breaking anecdote proving an insurmountable obstacle for the Gartmore keeper to negotiate past.
Vs JTP
The loss of Gardner, Davison, Gomez and the crowd for game 2 left an eery silence about the pitch and JTP looked strangely resigned to the inevitable defeat that was rapidly headed their way.
There was just one glimmer of hope for JTP, Lewis was in goal and was debating the merit of wearing keeper’s gloves, Dave Brown adamant that perhaps he should. The wisdom of this realised but 2 minutes later as a powerful drive whizzed off Lewis’s flinching prod at the ball, almost resulting in immediate calamity. ‘That’s why you’re wearing gloves’ called the smug voice of Brown.
Needless to say, the Corinthians took JTP by the horns and dispatched them 6-3.
The 3 being totally unnecessary concessions, but the Corinthians are by their very nature a charitable bunch, manager/goal keeper Lewis in particular. Cunningly facing one direction where there were unmarked fellow Blues, he launched the ball in the opposite, the intention; a deceptive and shrewd ball distribution, the result; a comically badly weighted pass to the opposing striker who hammered home the consolation strike.
Finnegan scored goal of the evening from the half way line, ‘why aren’t those kids here to see that’ joshed the much maligned midfielder, before promptly falling over the ball and his feet 2 minutes later…
Kristen netted in his comeback game with a sterling performance, Tjaadstra was like a wildcat that hadn’t been fed for a month, and despite preparing to take a free kick by circling the ball for about 8 minutes as if winding up a mechanism in order to create a kick function was strong and effective all game.
Cenamor took his now perfunctory hat full of goals, though may now miss his chance to feature in England’s world cup squad after (and I quote), ‘pulling an ass cheek’.
All in all a triumph and the suitors for our crown have been dealt with. Not quite as drastically as Odysseus dealt with the suitors for his wife’s hand (by killing them all and feeding their testicle to dogs) though if rumours are to be believed, the return match with Attlee may well result Finnegan ensuring that dogs and testicles coming into contact with each other.
Until next week.
Though in total a similar sized towel full of nonsense.
Japan has been taking this approach for years, however, Britain is traditionally slow on the uptake so this will act as a trial for the UK market.
A double header, 80 minutes of constant, high octane, liquid football awaited the Corinthians after a series of cancellations left them having played but 2 games and top of the table Gartmore streaking ahead with 5 games under their considerable belts.
2 wins and the Blue would be top, any calamity and the title race would be wide open, it’s suitors re-invigorated and sure to capitalise.
A fine turn out saw:
Davison
Gardner
Lewis
Finnegan
Brown
Murray
Gomez
Line up for game one to face league leaders Gartmore, and
Lewis
Brown
Finnegan
Tjaadstra
Kristen
Cenamor
Murray
Line up for game two, against seasoned opponents JTP.
A veritable master stroke in managerial logistical organisation created two equally balanced turn outs, bubbling with confidence and raw talent.
……………………………………………..
Vs Gartmore:
Gartmore were an unknown quantity with a fine goal scoring record and men upwards of fifty times the size of the average Corinthian. They also are underpinned with a reputation for having a goal keeper ‘even better than Chad Gomez’.
Incensed, Gomez volunteered his name for the team sheet despite putting himself in a position where he could only catch his train by sneaking down the previous evening and preparing a tunnel escape route over to Paddington which both avoided traffic and indulged his life long dream to feature in a re-enactment of the Great Escape.
Fresh from the grave after the strangulation incident there were concerns over the fitness of Finnegan, now a member of the living dead he is struggling to maintain a healthy diet, preferring to snack on the Brains of unsuspecting passers by.
To welcome his return to the game was a baying, blood thirsty crowd determined to pressurize the Corinthians into a defeat by rattling the ‘cage’ walls, leaping and climbing like the Chimps from planet of the apes preparing for a hunt and generally booing Finnegans every touch….begging the question, are the high fences of the Attlee pitch to keep the ball in, or to keep the community out?
Luckily though there was non fear from the champions. Immediately the football flowed like wine into troubled midfielder Tjaasdtra’s evening glass!
Gardner opened the scoring and there was no looking back, simple touches, sensible positioning and confidence on the ball resulted in an easy 6-2 victory….a victory punctuated by a Davison howling open goal miss (later made up for with 3 or 4 goals)which has lead to negotiations with Danny Baker for footage of the strike for his next side splitting gaffs video and the 490 one on ones that Lewis (not made up for with any goals) casually blasted directly at the keeper in an attempt to test out the ‘better than Gomez’ theory. Murray also slammed home from a tight angle to round of a clinical move and was notably delighted, the Scottish national coach has been sent an oil painting artists impression of the goal which it is understood is how he picks his strikers.
The contract for signing the Gartmore keeper had previously been prepared, but after careful consideration, Gomez has been deemed the better choice. Gomez’s famous leg breaking anecdote proving an insurmountable obstacle for the Gartmore keeper to negotiate past.
Vs JTP
The loss of Gardner, Davison, Gomez and the crowd for game 2 left an eery silence about the pitch and JTP looked strangely resigned to the inevitable defeat that was rapidly headed their way.
There was just one glimmer of hope for JTP, Lewis was in goal and was debating the merit of wearing keeper’s gloves, Dave Brown adamant that perhaps he should. The wisdom of this realised but 2 minutes later as a powerful drive whizzed off Lewis’s flinching prod at the ball, almost resulting in immediate calamity. ‘That’s why you’re wearing gloves’ called the smug voice of Brown.
Needless to say, the Corinthians took JTP by the horns and dispatched them 6-3.
The 3 being totally unnecessary concessions, but the Corinthians are by their very nature a charitable bunch, manager/goal keeper Lewis in particular. Cunningly facing one direction where there were unmarked fellow Blues, he launched the ball in the opposite, the intention; a deceptive and shrewd ball distribution, the result; a comically badly weighted pass to the opposing striker who hammered home the consolation strike.
Finnegan scored goal of the evening from the half way line, ‘why aren’t those kids here to see that’ joshed the much maligned midfielder, before promptly falling over the ball and his feet 2 minutes later…
Kristen netted in his comeback game with a sterling performance, Tjaadstra was like a wildcat that hadn’t been fed for a month, and despite preparing to take a free kick by circling the ball for about 8 minutes as if winding up a mechanism in order to create a kick function was strong and effective all game.
Cenamor took his now perfunctory hat full of goals, though may now miss his chance to feature in England’s world cup squad after (and I quote), ‘pulling an ass cheek’.
All in all a triumph and the suitors for our crown have been dealt with. Not quite as drastically as Odysseus dealt with the suitors for his wife’s hand (by killing them all and feeding their testicle to dogs) though if rumours are to be believed, the return match with Attlee may well result Finnegan ensuring that dogs and testicles coming into contact with each other.
Until next week.
Friday, 5 March 2010
04/03/10 Corinthians 5 - 4 Attlee
Three weeks can be a long time in football. It can be an even longer time when there is not football. The break had seen the Corinthians squad strength ebb and flow like the quality of BBC broadcasting, but with far less public interest.
Thursday at 18:45 the day finally arrived for the re-acquainting of old friends and the unifying of the bond of underlying talent that all the champions so unselfishly share, more momentous than the ghoulish reanimation of Christ (some call it the resurrection), but more casually dealt with than Manchester United winning the league cup.
However what should have been a slick process of turning up, adorning the baby blue victory jersey and administering the routine brutalizing of the young Attlee opponents rapidly turned into a comedic shambles, an embarrassment of anecdotal riches.
The line up, Finnegan, Cenamor, Lewis, Gomez and new signing Patrick Gallagher.
Finnegan and Lewis were obstructed in transit. Finnegan was concerned that his flashy red boots may prove an over egging of his perceived flair and ability so with time on their side the duo hit the shops in a less glamorous Sex in the City montage, Finnegan playing Sarah Jessica Parker (by request).
As time slipped away a dash for the tube that would have resolved the issue was met with wild ineptitude as incapable of navigating the process of staying still for long enough to reach the destination, Lewis inexplicably leapt of the train, afraid of contracting..tube-urculosis from the tightly packed public.
Luckily, Lewis knew the way to the ground...simply turn down the wrong street and navigate an elaborate and unnecessary walk up to Tower hill and back down to Aldgate. Simple.
The Corinthians fined a 1-0 deficit, Lewis and Finnegan rushed to get ready.
Incapable of even this simple exchange of one set of attire for another, the situation spiked into the ridiculous when a moment of self realisation unearthed the following reality:
I was standing in the middle of a men’s changing room in just my boxers and socks, struggling to undo the cufflinks of a topless Finnegan who had locked his hands into his shirt with an ill chosen attempt to pull the shirt off without undoing the cuffs.
If my mother had walked in I would have been disowned.
If a 1940's Nazi had walked in I would have been instantly shot dead.
If Steven Hawking had walked in, he would have just been showing off his miracle cure.
Finally, the game kicked off. Except it wasn't against 5 skillful yet under developed 14 year old Asian urbanites....it was against 5 very effectively developed, salivating savages, convinced that the white man had come to plunder their women.
Initially there were some fine performances all round, skilful exchanges between the Corinthians and solid, energetic tackling when defending.
Cenamor ensured that the equaliser was quickly found and in no time the Corinthians lead 2-1. It was notable that the opposition had developed a penchant for the hand off, the kick in the back of the leg and the thudding crunch into a side wall though, which as the Corinthians tired began to wear on their nerves.
With fatigue setting in, Attlee grabbed an equaliser which galvanised them into believing that victory was in sight. Quick exchanges and well positioned runs kept them on the back foot but on occasion, a lacklustre defensive effort would leave Gomez exposed. Preferring only to expose himself in urban back alleys' on a weekend, he did a fine job of keeping the scores level.
Then a 3-2 lead was opened up, which lead to a further escalation of violence and an eventual sin bin for one body odorous bearded member of Attlee.
Eventually, including goals from Gallagher and Finnegan, the scores were poised at 4-3 and time was ticking away. The Corinthians looked shaky though, Cenamor literally dragging his lungs behind him like dog that didn't fancy going for a walk. Lewis resorting to positional delegation and weakly being nudged off the ball, Gallagher sensing the rise in tensions was looking to calm the team and Finnegan had begun a slow process of taking personal issue with the personal hygiene challenged bearded chap.
Suddenly a rucus exploded between Finnegan and Mohammed el Beard and face slapping was in evidence. Naturally the teams ran in to calm the situation, though one of the Attlee players, closer resembling 'The Thing' from the fantastic 4 than an actual human, got up a pace that belied his build then forgetting that he was playing football at a community centre and not cage fighting for the world championship, an easy mistake to make, grabbed an unsuspecting Finnegan from behind and administered the type of WWF sleeper hold that all teenage boys circa 1994 tried and failed to administer to anyone that came to hand.
Gradually a sense of the situation came upon us all. He wasn't going to let go. He was going to kill Finnegan. Headlines raced before our eyes as Asian/Irish relations looked doomed to be placed under international scrutiny.
'Irishman butchered on the field of play by local Asian activist'.
Corinthian protests were met with the call,
"What does he think he's doing? This is home turf blood"
Quite right too.
As Finnegan slipped into unconsciousness and 'The Thing' accepted his inevitable banishment, I noticed that there was a man taking professional photographs at the side of the pitch.
Presumably the cash strapped community centre in a bid to secure further funding wanted to create a presentation including visual evidence of the local integration propagated by the 5-aside project.
Instead he left with an arm full of photographs of an Asian man strangling a Middle class white man to death...whilst wearing shorts.
Perhaps he had been witness to the sexually confusing cufflink incident earlier in the episode and it had suddenly snapped his simple mind? That, we could all understand.
Understandably this left the final 5 minutes to be quite a tense atmosphere. Attlee equalised, and promptly celebrated as if they had just received conclusive evidence that Christian Jesus wasn't real.
Always quietly confident though, the surviving Corinthians battled for the honour of the now deceased Finnegan and Cenamor managed one last gasping wheezing effort, and the game was won. A roar greeted the 5-4 score line and MBE's are in the post for all concerned.
A letter of commiseration is being Drafted for Mr & Mrs Finnegan, who will be comforted to know that their son died fighting for his religion on a foreign field.
For God, For Country, For Finnegan.
Thursday at 18:45 the day finally arrived for the re-acquainting of old friends and the unifying of the bond of underlying talent that all the champions so unselfishly share, more momentous than the ghoulish reanimation of Christ (some call it the resurrection), but more casually dealt with than Manchester United winning the league cup.
However what should have been a slick process of turning up, adorning the baby blue victory jersey and administering the routine brutalizing of the young Attlee opponents rapidly turned into a comedic shambles, an embarrassment of anecdotal riches.
The line up, Finnegan, Cenamor, Lewis, Gomez and new signing Patrick Gallagher.
Finnegan and Lewis were obstructed in transit. Finnegan was concerned that his flashy red boots may prove an over egging of his perceived flair and ability so with time on their side the duo hit the shops in a less glamorous Sex in the City montage, Finnegan playing Sarah Jessica Parker (by request).
As time slipped away a dash for the tube that would have resolved the issue was met with wild ineptitude as incapable of navigating the process of staying still for long enough to reach the destination, Lewis inexplicably leapt of the train, afraid of contracting..tube-urculosis from the tightly packed public.
Luckily, Lewis knew the way to the ground...simply turn down the wrong street and navigate an elaborate and unnecessary walk up to Tower hill and back down to Aldgate. Simple.
The Corinthians fined a 1-0 deficit, Lewis and Finnegan rushed to get ready.
Incapable of even this simple exchange of one set of attire for another, the situation spiked into the ridiculous when a moment of self realisation unearthed the following reality:
I was standing in the middle of a men’s changing room in just my boxers and socks, struggling to undo the cufflinks of a topless Finnegan who had locked his hands into his shirt with an ill chosen attempt to pull the shirt off without undoing the cuffs.
If my mother had walked in I would have been disowned.
If a 1940's Nazi had walked in I would have been instantly shot dead.
If Steven Hawking had walked in, he would have just been showing off his miracle cure.
Finally, the game kicked off. Except it wasn't against 5 skillful yet under developed 14 year old Asian urbanites....it was against 5 very effectively developed, salivating savages, convinced that the white man had come to plunder their women.
Initially there were some fine performances all round, skilful exchanges between the Corinthians and solid, energetic tackling when defending.
Cenamor ensured that the equaliser was quickly found and in no time the Corinthians lead 2-1. It was notable that the opposition had developed a penchant for the hand off, the kick in the back of the leg and the thudding crunch into a side wall though, which as the Corinthians tired began to wear on their nerves.
With fatigue setting in, Attlee grabbed an equaliser which galvanised them into believing that victory was in sight. Quick exchanges and well positioned runs kept them on the back foot but on occasion, a lacklustre defensive effort would leave Gomez exposed. Preferring only to expose himself in urban back alleys' on a weekend, he did a fine job of keeping the scores level.
Then a 3-2 lead was opened up, which lead to a further escalation of violence and an eventual sin bin for one body odorous bearded member of Attlee.
Eventually, including goals from Gallagher and Finnegan, the scores were poised at 4-3 and time was ticking away. The Corinthians looked shaky though, Cenamor literally dragging his lungs behind him like dog that didn't fancy going for a walk. Lewis resorting to positional delegation and weakly being nudged off the ball, Gallagher sensing the rise in tensions was looking to calm the team and Finnegan had begun a slow process of taking personal issue with the personal hygiene challenged bearded chap.
Suddenly a rucus exploded between Finnegan and Mohammed el Beard and face slapping was in evidence. Naturally the teams ran in to calm the situation, though one of the Attlee players, closer resembling 'The Thing' from the fantastic 4 than an actual human, got up a pace that belied his build then forgetting that he was playing football at a community centre and not cage fighting for the world championship, an easy mistake to make, grabbed an unsuspecting Finnegan from behind and administered the type of WWF sleeper hold that all teenage boys circa 1994 tried and failed to administer to anyone that came to hand.
Gradually a sense of the situation came upon us all. He wasn't going to let go. He was going to kill Finnegan. Headlines raced before our eyes as Asian/Irish relations looked doomed to be placed under international scrutiny.
'Irishman butchered on the field of play by local Asian activist'.
Corinthian protests were met with the call,
"What does he think he's doing? This is home turf blood"
Quite right too.
As Finnegan slipped into unconsciousness and 'The Thing' accepted his inevitable banishment, I noticed that there was a man taking professional photographs at the side of the pitch.
Presumably the cash strapped community centre in a bid to secure further funding wanted to create a presentation including visual evidence of the local integration propagated by the 5-aside project.
Instead he left with an arm full of photographs of an Asian man strangling a Middle class white man to death...whilst wearing shorts.
Perhaps he had been witness to the sexually confusing cufflink incident earlier in the episode and it had suddenly snapped his simple mind? That, we could all understand.
Understandably this left the final 5 minutes to be quite a tense atmosphere. Attlee equalised, and promptly celebrated as if they had just received conclusive evidence that Christian Jesus wasn't real.
Always quietly confident though, the surviving Corinthians battled for the honour of the now deceased Finnegan and Cenamor managed one last gasping wheezing effort, and the game was won. A roar greeted the 5-4 score line and MBE's are in the post for all concerned.
A letter of commiseration is being Drafted for Mr & Mrs Finnegan, who will be comforted to know that their son died fighting for his religion on a foreign field.
For God, For Country, For Finnegan.
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