11/03/10 Corinthians 6 - 2 Gartmore & Corinthians 6 - 3 JTP

This weeks reports will be each smaller more compact and generally more user friendly than the usual blithering nonsense.

Though in total a similar sized towel full of nonsense.

Japan has been taking this approach for years, however, Britain is traditionally slow on the uptake so this will act as a trial for the UK market.

A double header, 80 minutes of constant, high octane, liquid football awaited the Corinthians after a series of cancellations left them having played but 2 games and top of the table Gartmore streaking ahead with 5 games under their considerable belts.

2 wins and the Blue would be top, any calamity and the title race would be wide open, it’s suitors re-invigorated and sure to capitalise.

A fine turn out saw:

Davison
Gardner
Lewis
Finnegan
Brown
Murray
Gomez

Line up for game one to face league leaders Gartmore, and

Lewis
Brown
Finnegan
Tjaadstra
Kristen
Cenamor
Murray

Line up for game two, against seasoned opponents JTP.

A veritable master stroke in managerial logistical organisation created two equally balanced turn outs, bubbling with confidence and raw talent.

……………………………………………..

Vs Gartmore:

Gartmore were an unknown quantity with a fine goal scoring record and men upwards of fifty times the size of the average Corinthian. They also are underpinned with a reputation for having a goal keeper ‘even better than Chad Gomez’.

Incensed, Gomez volunteered his name for the team sheet despite putting himself in a position where he could only catch his train by sneaking down the previous evening and preparing a tunnel escape route over to Paddington which both avoided traffic and indulged his life long dream to feature in a re-enactment of the Great Escape.

Fresh from the grave after the strangulation incident there were concerns over the fitness of Finnegan, now a member of the living dead he is struggling to maintain a healthy diet, preferring to snack on the Brains of unsuspecting passers by.

To welcome his return to the game was a baying, blood thirsty crowd determined to pressurize the Corinthians into a defeat by rattling the ‘cage’ walls, leaping and climbing like the Chimps from planet of the apes preparing for a hunt and generally booing Finnegans every touch….begging the question, are the high fences of the Attlee pitch to keep the ball in, or to keep the community out?

Luckily though there was non fear from the champions. Immediately the football flowed like wine into troubled midfielder Tjaasdtra’s evening glass!

Gardner opened the scoring and there was no looking back, simple touches, sensible positioning and confidence on the ball resulted in an easy 6-2 victory….a victory punctuated by a Davison howling open goal miss (later made up for with 3 or 4 goals)which has lead to negotiations with Danny Baker for footage of the strike for his next side splitting gaffs video and the 490 one on ones that Lewis (not made up for with any goals) casually blasted directly at the keeper in an attempt to test out the ‘better than Gomez’ theory. Murray also slammed home from a tight angle to round of a clinical move and was notably delighted, the Scottish national coach has been sent an oil painting artists impression of the goal which it is understood is how he picks his strikers.

The contract for signing the Gartmore keeper had previously been prepared, but after careful consideration, Gomez has been deemed the better choice. Gomez’s famous leg breaking anecdote proving an insurmountable obstacle for the Gartmore keeper to negotiate past.


Vs JTP

The loss of Gardner, Davison, Gomez and the crowd for game 2 left an eery silence about the pitch and JTP looked strangely resigned to the inevitable defeat that was rapidly headed their way.

There was just one glimmer of hope for JTP, Lewis was in goal and was debating the merit of wearing keeper’s gloves, Dave Brown adamant that perhaps he should. The wisdom of this realised but 2 minutes later as a powerful drive whizzed off Lewis’s flinching prod at the ball, almost resulting in immediate calamity. ‘That’s why you’re wearing gloves’ called the smug voice of Brown.

Needless to say, the Corinthians took JTP by the horns and dispatched them 6-3.

The 3 being totally unnecessary concessions, but the Corinthians are by their very nature a charitable bunch, manager/goal keeper Lewis in particular. Cunningly facing one direction where there were unmarked fellow Blues, he launched the ball in the opposite, the intention; a deceptive and shrewd ball distribution, the result; a comically badly weighted pass to the opposing striker who hammered home the consolation strike.

Finnegan scored goal of the evening from the half way line, ‘why aren’t those kids here to see that’ joshed the much maligned midfielder, before promptly falling over the ball and his feet 2 minutes later…

Kristen netted in his comeback game with a sterling performance, Tjaadstra was like a wildcat that hadn’t been fed for a month, and despite preparing to take a free kick by circling the ball for about 8 minutes as if winding up a mechanism in order to create a kick function was strong and effective all game.

Cenamor took his now perfunctory hat full of goals, though may now miss his chance to feature in England’s world cup squad after (and I quote), ‘pulling an ass cheek’.

All in all a triumph and the suitors for our crown have been dealt with. Not quite as drastically as Odysseus dealt with the suitors for his wife’s hand (by killing them all and feeding their testicle to dogs) though if rumours are to be believed, the return match with Attlee may well result Finnegan ensuring that dogs and testicles coming into contact with each other.

Until next week.