Friday, 25 June 2010
Corinthians 5 - 2 Bloomberg 24/06/10
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Tuesday, 22 June 2010
Corinthians 4 - 3 ABG
A sunny afternoon, an unbeaten start to the season and next up ABG, a team the Corinthians have hammered in the past, everything looked on course for another league victory, however the Corinthians were without their influential goalkeeper Gomez and skipper Lewis, and with ABG boasting some new big money signings this wasn’t going to be the walk in park so many (well me and Jim) had predicted
In the absence of Gomez the Corinthians operated the tried and tested (and previously disastrous) rotation policy in goal with Cenamor starting between the sticks. The Corinthians started lacking their usual fluid movement giving ABG too much space which left gaps at the back for the opposition to exploit. With the sun beating down it looked like it could be another one of those days where the mighty Incisive are held by an inferior team.
However anyone who knows anything about the Corinthians knows they don’t start playing until 10 minutes into the game and this week was no exception. Kieron, Aidy and Jason linked up well up front interchanging positions all the time to keep ABG guessing, Frankie played like a young Roy Keane going from box to box, Jim was solid at the back while still supporting the attack, Finnegan spent most of the game daydreaming about his wonder goal from the previous game and feeling angry about the injustice that Al hadn’t written a match report last week.
After a hard fought half an hour the Corinthians found themselves 4-3 up a winning position they should have been defending but instead chose to launch wave after wave of attack, the emergence of skipper Lewis from the bench for the final 2 minutes was a tactical move to bring a calming presence onto the field but instead he too got caught up in the free-flowing attacking football. Fortunately despite leaving gaping holes at the back the opposition couldn’t get the ball off the Spanish like Corinthians and the final whistle blew on a 4-3 win, another 3 points and the perfect start to the season still in tact.
Your Corinthains last week were:
Jim – Alienated many of his teammates early on with strange pre-match comments offering the rest of the team use of the johnnys in his wallet, but won most of them back round with another solid performance.
Aidy – Penultimate game of his loan spell and his best performance to date. Direct running and great link up play with Kieron led to most of the goals
Frankie – the returning Corthian put in a good performance with plenty of running. A welcome return from his loan spell in France. Jase has offered use of his old astros for the future which have at least 6 or 7 more games in them thanks some sellotape and elastic bands.
Kieron – Another quality showing which will continue to keep Olly Nevill confined to the reserves. Provided the base for the majority of the Corinthian attacks. Shares the man of the match award with Aidy.
Jase – Full of running, pace and endeavour out on pitch (which he claimed was mostly down to his new Astros), however looked uneasy in goal. The fans continue to take issue with his tracksuit bottom stance.
AL – Cameo performance for from our captain who turned up with 2 minutes left to play, but a solid 2 minutes it was. He has assured the rest of the squad that he will fining himself for turning up late and paying everyones match fees for the next 2 weeks.
Chris – Did very little, but then was stupidly given permission to write the match report, 10/10,
All in all a good performance and another important win. However next week is game on with Bloomberg lying in wait filled with confidence following their victory over us last season. Time for the Corinthians to prove once again who owns this league, that when it comes to big games we step up to a level other teams simply cant imagine let alone match, that when history talks about the greatest of 5 a-side teams it will reserve special praise for those players that graced the Attlee youth centre and destroyed every team foolish enough to stand in their path!
With that said Tj do you mind giving this week a miss – cheers
In the absence of Gomez the Corinthians operated the tried and tested (and previously disastrous) rotation policy in goal with Cenamor starting between the sticks. The Corinthians started lacking their usual fluid movement giving ABG too much space which left gaps at the back for the opposition to exploit. With the sun beating down it looked like it could be another one of those days where the mighty Incisive are held by an inferior team.
However anyone who knows anything about the Corinthians knows they don’t start playing until 10 minutes into the game and this week was no exception. Kieron, Aidy and Jason linked up well up front interchanging positions all the time to keep ABG guessing, Frankie played like a young Roy Keane going from box to box, Jim was solid at the back while still supporting the attack, Finnegan spent most of the game daydreaming about his wonder goal from the previous game and feeling angry about the injustice that Al hadn’t written a match report last week.
After a hard fought half an hour the Corinthians found themselves 4-3 up a winning position they should have been defending but instead chose to launch wave after wave of attack, the emergence of skipper Lewis from the bench for the final 2 minutes was a tactical move to bring a calming presence onto the field but instead he too got caught up in the free-flowing attacking football. Fortunately despite leaving gaping holes at the back the opposition couldn’t get the ball off the Spanish like Corinthians and the final whistle blew on a 4-3 win, another 3 points and the perfect start to the season still in tact.
Your Corinthains last week were:
Jim – Alienated many of his teammates early on with strange pre-match comments offering the rest of the team use of the johnnys in his wallet, but won most of them back round with another solid performance.
Aidy – Penultimate game of his loan spell and his best performance to date. Direct running and great link up play with Kieron led to most of the goals
Frankie – the returning Corthian put in a good performance with plenty of running. A welcome return from his loan spell in France. Jase has offered use of his old astros for the future which have at least 6 or 7 more games in them thanks some sellotape and elastic bands.
Kieron – Another quality showing which will continue to keep Olly Nevill confined to the reserves. Provided the base for the majority of the Corinthian attacks. Shares the man of the match award with Aidy.
Jase – Full of running, pace and endeavour out on pitch (which he claimed was mostly down to his new Astros), however looked uneasy in goal. The fans continue to take issue with his tracksuit bottom stance.
AL – Cameo performance for from our captain who turned up with 2 minutes left to play, but a solid 2 minutes it was. He has assured the rest of the squad that he will fining himself for turning up late and paying everyones match fees for the next 2 weeks.
Chris – Did very little, but then was stupidly given permission to write the match report, 10/10,
All in all a good performance and another important win. However next week is game on with Bloomberg lying in wait filled with confidence following their victory over us last season. Time for the Corinthians to prove once again who owns this league, that when it comes to big games we step up to a level other teams simply cant imagine let alone match, that when history talks about the greatest of 5 a-side teams it will reserve special praise for those players that graced the Attlee youth centre and destroyed every team foolish enough to stand in their path!
With that said Tj do you mind giving this week a miss – cheers
Tuesday, 15 June 2010
Corinthians 5-2 JTP 10/06/2010
Cor-in-thi-ans
Cor-in-thi-ans
They’re coming
They are coming home
(x4)
Everyone seems to know the score
They've seen it all before
They just know
They're so sure
Cor-in-thi-ans will
Show them the away
Gonna blow them away
We all know they can play
Cos' I remember
CORINTHIANS on their shirts
Plastic trophy still gleaming
30 Years of misses
Hasn’t stopped Lewis shooting
So many jokes, so many jeers
But all those oh so nears
Wore him down
Through the years…(to about 5ft 8)
But I still see that
Tackle by Al
And when Finnegan scored
Murray belting the ball
And Browny dancing
CORINTHIANS on their shirts
Plastic trophy still gleaming
3 seasons on the trott
Hasn’t stopped Gomez saving…
I know that was then
But it could be again
We won last week
We won last week
We won 5-2
We will win again
(x4)
CORINTHIANS on their shirts
Plastic trophy still gleaming
30 Years of misses
Hasn’t stopped Lewis shooting….
(repeat to fade)
Cor-in-thi-ans
They’re coming
They are coming home
(x4)
Everyone seems to know the score
They've seen it all before
They just know
They're so sure
Cor-in-thi-ans will
Show them the away
Gonna blow them away
We all know they can play
Cos' I remember
CORINTHIANS on their shirts
Plastic trophy still gleaming
30 Years of misses
Hasn’t stopped Lewis shooting
So many jokes, so many jeers
But all those oh so nears
Wore him down
Through the years…(to about 5ft 8)
But I still see that
Tackle by Al
And when Finnegan scored
Murray belting the ball
And Browny dancing
CORINTHIANS on their shirts
Plastic trophy still gleaming
3 seasons on the trott
Hasn’t stopped Gomez saving…
I know that was then
But it could be again
We won last week
We won last week
We won 5-2
We will win again
(x4)
CORINTHIANS on their shirts
Plastic trophy still gleaming
30 Years of misses
Hasn’t stopped Lewis shooting….
(repeat to fade)
Monday, 7 June 2010
Corinthians 16 - 2 CITI 03/06/10
Every man born with that innate comprehension that a ball should be round....not oval and that it should be about the size of a mans head and possible to kick without breaking a bone...not the size of a fist and likely to be smashed at your head with a linseed oil soaked plank of wood....
Every one of these men, lives every day of his life filled with terror that the summer lull in football broadcasting or the break from activity of his beloved 5 aside team may, just may, never end. That he might wake up one morning bereft of football shakes him to the core and results in wild behaviour; Wild erratic behaviour that renders the female gender proclaiming confusion even bafflement (not a word until now) at how their bearded, beer bellied opposite numbers behave.
This is the little known secret of behavioural nuances such as men huddled round warm flat pints of lager in dingy, damp stinking public houses, muttering about and cackling at absurd idiosyncrasies rather than returning home to their loved ones lucid and awake at the pre-agreed time.....
This, this and of course that fact that we just spent 8 hours at work aware that our partners have spent the whole day updating their profiles to read:
'SATC2 tonight Sooo excited'
comment:
'Oh wow we're seeing it tonight too, where you goin'?'
'Let's all dress up like the SJP and go for cocktails first woooooo'.
It takes 9 pints and 3 hours of reminding yourself that it doesn't have to be that way to wipe out the realisation that your beautiful intelligent partner is in fact a mentally ill 6 year old with a Barbie house instead of a brain....that or 9 pints and 3 hours to build up the momentum to go home and exact horrific domestic abuse, but that is a personal thing and you go the way that you feel is right.
So then........it is with fervour & perpetuity that the re-start of the Corinthians 5 aside season is awaited.....
Towning
Lewis
Finnegan
Nevill
Murray
Cenamor
Lined up to face the un-to-now force unknown of CITI bank.
Initial observations did not strike fear into the Corinthian Lion Hearts as the opposition took to the field adorned in a variety of cheap beach wear. The outfield players looked more like a lost group of British tourists in 80's Tenerife, looking for the beach but somehow ensnared in a game of 5 aside football, a game that they had previously never heard of.
It became clear that the CITI outfit really meant business though, when the goal keeper adorned a pair of Gardening Gloves, an audacious break from goal keeping tradition.
Recent times have seen defeats and static play from the Corinthians, but possibly inspired by the return of club all time top scorer Andrew Towning the play was fluid and the movement inspired.
It was at least 2-0 to the blues before CITI had chance to settle and to so much as touch the ball.
Move of the game began with Jim Murray, spying an opening down the middle of the pitch he launched a through ball to Towning, but the ball was at about stomach height. Towning launched himself into the air, recalling the skills he had developed at county level hurdles and turning 180 degrees scissor kicked the ball against the cross bar. There was almost applause.....despite the fact that there was no crowd....
The goals included
A hatrick for Murray, capped off with a 10 yard shin strike, the ball foxing the gardening glove clad keeper, by slowly bouncing directly past his leg...
2 for Finnegan including a rocket strike of a penalty and just barely muted Stuart Pearce vs Spain celebration...
An unending flow of succinct strikes from the men charged with the goal tally, Towning and Cenamor.
None for Lewis. More concerned with peppering the goal mouth with long range wonder strikes, Lewis once again proved that his Lampard thunderbolt needs considerable training ground work.
Nevill in goal, charged up by the terrifying potential of the game finishing late and his better half illustrating vocal disgruntlement, adorned in professional looking goal keeping strip, he gave Gomez a real challenge between the sticks.
It was a Rob Green vs Mexico esque performance and many fans are excited by the prospect of a competent number 2. Gomez though has been rumoured to have undermined the challenge by sending Italian Mafia clad 'kiss o grams' to the Nevill abode...a lightly shrouded death threat if ever there was one.
All in all a triumph and exactly the start that the season needed....Now on to the tough games.
Every one of these men, lives every day of his life filled with terror that the summer lull in football broadcasting or the break from activity of his beloved 5 aside team may, just may, never end. That he might wake up one morning bereft of football shakes him to the core and results in wild behaviour; Wild erratic behaviour that renders the female gender proclaiming confusion even bafflement (not a word until now) at how their bearded, beer bellied opposite numbers behave.
This is the little known secret of behavioural nuances such as men huddled round warm flat pints of lager in dingy, damp stinking public houses, muttering about and cackling at absurd idiosyncrasies rather than returning home to their loved ones lucid and awake at the pre-agreed time.....
This, this and of course that fact that we just spent 8 hours at work aware that our partners have spent the whole day updating their profiles to read:
'SATC2 tonight Sooo excited'
comment:
'Oh wow we're seeing it tonight too, where you goin'?'
'Let's all dress up like the SJP and go for cocktails first woooooo'.
It takes 9 pints and 3 hours of reminding yourself that it doesn't have to be that way to wipe out the realisation that your beautiful intelligent partner is in fact a mentally ill 6 year old with a Barbie house instead of a brain....that or 9 pints and 3 hours to build up the momentum to go home and exact horrific domestic abuse, but that is a personal thing and you go the way that you feel is right.
So then........it is with fervour & perpetuity that the re-start of the Corinthians 5 aside season is awaited.....
Towning
Lewis
Finnegan
Nevill
Murray
Cenamor
Lined up to face the un-to-now force unknown of CITI bank.
Initial observations did not strike fear into the Corinthian Lion Hearts as the opposition took to the field adorned in a variety of cheap beach wear. The outfield players looked more like a lost group of British tourists in 80's Tenerife, looking for the beach but somehow ensnared in a game of 5 aside football, a game that they had previously never heard of.
It became clear that the CITI outfit really meant business though, when the goal keeper adorned a pair of Gardening Gloves, an audacious break from goal keeping tradition.
Recent times have seen defeats and static play from the Corinthians, but possibly inspired by the return of club all time top scorer Andrew Towning the play was fluid and the movement inspired.
It was at least 2-0 to the blues before CITI had chance to settle and to so much as touch the ball.
Move of the game began with Jim Murray, spying an opening down the middle of the pitch he launched a through ball to Towning, but the ball was at about stomach height. Towning launched himself into the air, recalling the skills he had developed at county level hurdles and turning 180 degrees scissor kicked the ball against the cross bar. There was almost applause.....despite the fact that there was no crowd....
The goals included
A hatrick for Murray, capped off with a 10 yard shin strike, the ball foxing the gardening glove clad keeper, by slowly bouncing directly past his leg...
2 for Finnegan including a rocket strike of a penalty and just barely muted Stuart Pearce vs Spain celebration...
An unending flow of succinct strikes from the men charged with the goal tally, Towning and Cenamor.
None for Lewis. More concerned with peppering the goal mouth with long range wonder strikes, Lewis once again proved that his Lampard thunderbolt needs considerable training ground work.
Nevill in goal, charged up by the terrifying potential of the game finishing late and his better half illustrating vocal disgruntlement, adorned in professional looking goal keeping strip, he gave Gomez a real challenge between the sticks.
It was a Rob Green vs Mexico esque performance and many fans are excited by the prospect of a competent number 2. Gomez though has been rumoured to have undermined the challenge by sending Italian Mafia clad 'kiss o grams' to the Nevill abode...a lightly shrouded death threat if ever there was one.
All in all a triumph and exactly the start that the season needed....Now on to the tough games.
Friday, 30 April 2010
29/04/10 Corinthians 7 - 3 JTP
22/04.
Soon that date will ring with the same resonance as 09/11. The day the Corinthians fell. A mourning public dressed in black for a full week after the Corinthians were defeated 4-1 by Bloomberg in a game that President Obama described as, ‘A dark day for football, a dark day for humanity and a day that I give you my word as President, will not be repeated’.
The Corinthians await the funding and support of the entire American nation.
Just as soon as they cleaned up the 40 billion tones of oil that they’ve splattered all over the globe, probably wiping out every endangered species on the planet in one foul swoop.
It had to be rectified. The unfortunate recipients of the wrath of a wounded giant were to be JTP. But not just any old JTP side. Contained within their ranks was a snake in the grass, a guerilla in the mist, a Gorilla in the office…..one of the Bloomberg football terrorists, a ginger bubble bursting bastard with the playing style of Vinny Jones and the social graces of…..Vinny Jones.
The Corinthians lined up to warm up:
Lewis
Finnegan
Gomez
Cenamor
Murray
Brown
And er, Barry.
With one confidence annihilating swipe at the ball, Finnegan launched the football 163 miles in the air and sliced off down the hill. Retrieving the ball he then attempted to rectify the situation by dropping the football back into the warm up area with a simple dink over the netting. Unfortunately he has a bionic leg and a soapy foot so the ball instead this time reached 194 miles in height and landed lost, forever trapped in the balcony of the attached office building.
Confidence shattered, the blues took to the field.
It was a slow start, the Corinthians clearly suffering from an inertia that seems suspiciously linked to the beginning of the summer ‘party season’.
Football is game of priorities and looking around the field a heavy legged Lewis was slow into his tackles, Cenamor seems to have chosen a diet of 40 cigarettes and a KFC per day over new trainers, having bound the flapping sole of the shoe to his foot using some sort childrens plaster and Gomez seems to have become so pre-occupied with whether or not to by new goal keeping gloves that he was once caught dreaming of that halcyon purchase and beaten from an absurdly tight angle.
None the less the Corinthians were on top.
It wasn’t long before a 1-0 lead opened up.
A great Dave Brown finish getting the team back where they belong: In front, up top, swanning about like champions.
The cameoing ‘Barry’ showed why Scotland isn’t all a land of Colin Calderwood’s with an excellent performance that helped boost the under performing Corinthians with some intelligent movement and excellent passing vision.
There were cracks though. The Bloomberg cuckoo in the JTP nest was causing problems. Eventually the equalizer arrived after in the style of the talentless but relentless Geoff Horsfield he charged down the flank forcing 2 superb stops from Gomez (who incidentally made some sublime saves throughout the game) off rebounding balls before slotting home. Entirely Lewis’s fault who simply stood behind him watching. Presumably still dreaming of his Paris sojourn and re-acclimatising to just how ugly people in Britain are capable of being….
There was though little cause for concern. At times Corinthian passing movements touched every man on the field before finally forcing a stretched save from what should have been an easily beatable keeper.
There was a penalty given to the Corinthians that caused flutters of concern amongst those present on the catastrophic 22/04.
Both Brown & Cenamor had done their family names an un-reversable shame and missed penalties, so as soon as the decision was given Murray took control. ‘THIS IS MINE’. There was no way another Blue was getting his mitts on the ball without a fight.
And who fights with a Scotsman? Only a Scandinavian in a horned hat on LSD or English gentry wielding considerably more advance weaponry is who…..or Roy Keane and he was busy.
Murray executed perfectly.
Cenamor slotted home 2 excellent finishes despite playing in shoes that he appears to have found on the side of a railway bank
Brown found time for a second
Lewis blasted home his first in 3 games
And then there was Finnegan……….
The nick name developing Finnegan (Fingers Finnegan in the office…..his alter ego GEORGE ..ask me later about this one….)…
A torrid 8 minute spell saw Finnegan strike the ball at angles only ex disaster signing Alex Ferguson was previously thought to be capable of. Launching every ball that came near him over the nets and into the distance whilst under little or no pressure was clearly beginning to wear on George Fingers Finnegan, the shame clearly apparent on a beetroot red face……
…Was it all over for him? Politicians have resigned over less….Full of the steely will characteristic of Corinthians though, he would not give up regardless of the scale of gaff…much like Gordon Brown…..
Unlike Mr Brown though, it eventually paid dividends….
Chris, George, Gordon Brown, Fingers Finnegan, composed himself and approaching a dropping ball from just inside his own half, caught the perfect ground skimming volley and smashed the ball past the defeated JTP keeper for goal of the game.
All was forgiven and Lewis called off the sniper hit man with a wave to the ramparts.
7-3
Back to winning ways but as the new tops draw ever nearer, vintage class must greet them in the next exciting installment of….
…THE CORINTHIANS.
Soon that date will ring with the same resonance as 09/11. The day the Corinthians fell. A mourning public dressed in black for a full week after the Corinthians were defeated 4-1 by Bloomberg in a game that President Obama described as, ‘A dark day for football, a dark day for humanity and a day that I give you my word as President, will not be repeated’.
The Corinthians await the funding and support of the entire American nation.
Just as soon as they cleaned up the 40 billion tones of oil that they’ve splattered all over the globe, probably wiping out every endangered species on the planet in one foul swoop.
It had to be rectified. The unfortunate recipients of the wrath of a wounded giant were to be JTP. But not just any old JTP side. Contained within their ranks was a snake in the grass, a guerilla in the mist, a Gorilla in the office…..one of the Bloomberg football terrorists, a ginger bubble bursting bastard with the playing style of Vinny Jones and the social graces of…..Vinny Jones.
The Corinthians lined up to warm up:
Lewis
Finnegan
Gomez
Cenamor
Murray
Brown
And er, Barry.
With one confidence annihilating swipe at the ball, Finnegan launched the football 163 miles in the air and sliced off down the hill. Retrieving the ball he then attempted to rectify the situation by dropping the football back into the warm up area with a simple dink over the netting. Unfortunately he has a bionic leg and a soapy foot so the ball instead this time reached 194 miles in height and landed lost, forever trapped in the balcony of the attached office building.
Confidence shattered, the blues took to the field.
It was a slow start, the Corinthians clearly suffering from an inertia that seems suspiciously linked to the beginning of the summer ‘party season’.
Football is game of priorities and looking around the field a heavy legged Lewis was slow into his tackles, Cenamor seems to have chosen a diet of 40 cigarettes and a KFC per day over new trainers, having bound the flapping sole of the shoe to his foot using some sort childrens plaster and Gomez seems to have become so pre-occupied with whether or not to by new goal keeping gloves that he was once caught dreaming of that halcyon purchase and beaten from an absurdly tight angle.
None the less the Corinthians were on top.
It wasn’t long before a 1-0 lead opened up.
A great Dave Brown finish getting the team back where they belong: In front, up top, swanning about like champions.
The cameoing ‘Barry’ showed why Scotland isn’t all a land of Colin Calderwood’s with an excellent performance that helped boost the under performing Corinthians with some intelligent movement and excellent passing vision.
There were cracks though. The Bloomberg cuckoo in the JTP nest was causing problems. Eventually the equalizer arrived after in the style of the talentless but relentless Geoff Horsfield he charged down the flank forcing 2 superb stops from Gomez (who incidentally made some sublime saves throughout the game) off rebounding balls before slotting home. Entirely Lewis’s fault who simply stood behind him watching. Presumably still dreaming of his Paris sojourn and re-acclimatising to just how ugly people in Britain are capable of being….
There was though little cause for concern. At times Corinthian passing movements touched every man on the field before finally forcing a stretched save from what should have been an easily beatable keeper.
There was a penalty given to the Corinthians that caused flutters of concern amongst those present on the catastrophic 22/04.
Both Brown & Cenamor had done their family names an un-reversable shame and missed penalties, so as soon as the decision was given Murray took control. ‘THIS IS MINE’. There was no way another Blue was getting his mitts on the ball without a fight.
And who fights with a Scotsman? Only a Scandinavian in a horned hat on LSD or English gentry wielding considerably more advance weaponry is who…..or Roy Keane and he was busy.
Murray executed perfectly.
Cenamor slotted home 2 excellent finishes despite playing in shoes that he appears to have found on the side of a railway bank
Brown found time for a second
Lewis blasted home his first in 3 games
And then there was Finnegan……….
The nick name developing Finnegan (Fingers Finnegan in the office…..his alter ego GEORGE ..ask me later about this one….)…
A torrid 8 minute spell saw Finnegan strike the ball at angles only ex disaster signing Alex Ferguson was previously thought to be capable of. Launching every ball that came near him over the nets and into the distance whilst under little or no pressure was clearly beginning to wear on George Fingers Finnegan, the shame clearly apparent on a beetroot red face……
…Was it all over for him? Politicians have resigned over less….Full of the steely will characteristic of Corinthians though, he would not give up regardless of the scale of gaff…much like Gordon Brown…..
Unlike Mr Brown though, it eventually paid dividends….
Chris, George, Gordon Brown, Fingers Finnegan, composed himself and approaching a dropping ball from just inside his own half, caught the perfect ground skimming volley and smashed the ball past the defeated JTP keeper for goal of the game.
All was forgiven and Lewis called off the sniper hit man with a wave to the ramparts.
7-3
Back to winning ways but as the new tops draw ever nearer, vintage class must greet them in the next exciting installment of….
…THE CORINTHIANS.
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
Corinthians 6 -6 AIR World Wide
Gordon Brown has called his election. Parliament will soon be dissolved. Every voter from the furthest left to the furthest right is screaming at the top of their voices…’I DON’T WANT TO VOTE FOR ANY OF THESE CLOWNS’.
Re-invigoration of the voter, the political landscape and the economy are all eagerly awaited…..
….not so eagerly as the re-invigoration of a Corinthians side on the wane……the characteristic swagger, the ease of gear change over any footballing terrain…….all present but encumbered by the assumption of victory, a lack of punctuality and an unfortunate case of CHAD GOMEZ AND THE WRONG TROUSERS (the dramatisation of which will be available on DVD in the summer).
Air world wide were out early, warming up in team formation, they were making a case for a ‘game of it’. As per 6pm KO tradition, the majority of the Corinthians were scattered across London like soldiers on a 1916 battle field desperately searching for their own limbs.
Racing out with the best that they could make the field with:
Chad Gomez: - sporting a different pair of track suit bottoms for only the second time in his Corinthian career
Dave Brown: - incensed by the ineptness of his compatriots
Alex Lewis: - with one operational leg after being brutally cut down in a previous game
Kieran Gardner: - playing as a paid professional after Olly Nevill covered his fees
Already 1 nil down due to lateness it quickly slipped to a 3 nil deficit. A mis-cued trickler skimmed past Gomez and a rocket from the right found the net.
As usual the football from the blues was intelligent and well structured, but the shot’s that peppered Air worldwide’s net hit posts, bar and goalkeeper, never the net.
On a slippy pitch the Corinthians couldn’t get going, taking 3 touches just to get the ball under control meant that the intelligent man on man marking strategy of AIR limited pace and encouraged a rushed pass.
Davison arrived to make the 5 with Murray & Dunkley emerging as 6th & 7th man as the case for the counter attack began. Slowly the competence crept back into the Blues always probing for that first goal….
Then suddenly, Murray slotted home the first, his finish (silver) foxing the keeper and finding the left hand corner. The game was afoot.
An expected thunderous onslaught never quite emerged though. The Corinthians WMD’s turned out to be little more than vast oil revenues to be strategically plundered….
As the AIR FIFTH bounced off the foot of an unfortunate Lewis and left Gomes travelling in the wrong direction and trickled into the net….a 5-1 gap had opened up and to a neutral, the game must have seemed over.
Luckily the Corinthians are adorned with the arrogance, madness (and libido’s) of Lord Bath and the kind of wildly unjustified sense of self belief that follows Kieran Richardson around but used to follow Robbie Savage around until he caught a glimpse of himself in a Derby county football kit in the mirror…then probably had to be counseled down from a roof top.
All was not lost. The fact is that we had been playing well and all we needed to do was stop letting them score! A simple philosophy.
Despite some scintillating exchanges opening the opposition up between Lewis, Davison and Gardner the game simply wouldn’t swing. Even the Lewis trade mark free kick off the heel into space left Brown & earlier Murray wrong footed and considering smashing Lewis’s face through the wall for trying to be clever whilst 5-1 down.
Gradually though opportunity evolved….
A penalty, dispatched by Brown in front of Sunderland scout Davison can only have served to further his life long dream to be picked in a first team ahead of Darren Bent….
Davison slotted home from close range to finish off a fine move..
A Murray strike bouncing off the inside of the wall and back into the AIR net
Suddenly it was 5-4
Surely, surely now…….but like all good stories, on the cusp of a sweeping victory one final setback emerged……
A SIXTH AIR goal.
The curse of Gomez’s tracksuit bottoms hung heavy over the Blue’s. The last time that Gomez had adorned alternative goal keeping attire a defeat to JTP had been the result and here we were with 4 minutes left, 6-4 down.
Rumour has it that Gomez doesn’t have different pairs of tracksuit bottoms, he actually has 2 pairs of legs. It’s just that the ones in the grey tracksuit bottoms are in fact bionic.
There was still time for drama…..
…Brown stepping up for a second penalty. There was no way he could score twice, not by hitting the ball the same way? Surely, our luck just wouldn’t hold?
GOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLL
6-5.
Substituting himself for Dunkley, Lewis watched from the side lines resigned to defeat, helplessly watching from the side as Davison, Dunkley, Gardner, Gomez and Brown faced a back 4 of solid green determined to protect their lead for one last minute….it had something of the Dunkirk about it and the Corinthians needed a more of a ‘bridge too far’…….glorious defensive effort underpinned with eventual retreat and failure…..
Dunkley collected the ball on the left, turned his man, raced down the line into the no mans land of the corner of a 5 aside pitch. He cut in toward the goal wrestling off the rough housing defender, he drew back the trigger….
…..’DON’T F***ING SHOOT FROM THERE’ Lewis screamed in his head…….Dunkley prepared to squander the final attack of the game…all was lost, the fans baying for Lewis’s managerial blood, why oh why had he brought Dunkley back on at this critical juncture………..
The shot rifled from Dunkley’s foot squeezing between keeper and near post, busting the net, instant heroism, instant legendary status, instant comeback!
The official greatest comeback top 3 in the guiness book of records now reads:
3- Britain (WW2)
2- Liverpool vs AC MILAN
1- The Corinthians vs AIR
That….is…..a…..FACT.
Re-invigoration of the voter, the political landscape and the economy are all eagerly awaited…..
….not so eagerly as the re-invigoration of a Corinthians side on the wane……the characteristic swagger, the ease of gear change over any footballing terrain…….all present but encumbered by the assumption of victory, a lack of punctuality and an unfortunate case of CHAD GOMEZ AND THE WRONG TROUSERS (the dramatisation of which will be available on DVD in the summer).
Air world wide were out early, warming up in team formation, they were making a case for a ‘game of it’. As per 6pm KO tradition, the majority of the Corinthians were scattered across London like soldiers on a 1916 battle field desperately searching for their own limbs.
Racing out with the best that they could make the field with:
Chad Gomez: - sporting a different pair of track suit bottoms for only the second time in his Corinthian career
Dave Brown: - incensed by the ineptness of his compatriots
Alex Lewis: - with one operational leg after being brutally cut down in a previous game
Kieran Gardner: - playing as a paid professional after Olly Nevill covered his fees
Already 1 nil down due to lateness it quickly slipped to a 3 nil deficit. A mis-cued trickler skimmed past Gomez and a rocket from the right found the net.
As usual the football from the blues was intelligent and well structured, but the shot’s that peppered Air worldwide’s net hit posts, bar and goalkeeper, never the net.
On a slippy pitch the Corinthians couldn’t get going, taking 3 touches just to get the ball under control meant that the intelligent man on man marking strategy of AIR limited pace and encouraged a rushed pass.
Davison arrived to make the 5 with Murray & Dunkley emerging as 6th & 7th man as the case for the counter attack began. Slowly the competence crept back into the Blues always probing for that first goal….
Then suddenly, Murray slotted home the first, his finish (silver) foxing the keeper and finding the left hand corner. The game was afoot.
An expected thunderous onslaught never quite emerged though. The Corinthians WMD’s turned out to be little more than vast oil revenues to be strategically plundered….
As the AIR FIFTH bounced off the foot of an unfortunate Lewis and left Gomes travelling in the wrong direction and trickled into the net….a 5-1 gap had opened up and to a neutral, the game must have seemed over.
Luckily the Corinthians are adorned with the arrogance, madness (and libido’s) of Lord Bath and the kind of wildly unjustified sense of self belief that follows Kieran Richardson around but used to follow Robbie Savage around until he caught a glimpse of himself in a Derby county football kit in the mirror…then probably had to be counseled down from a roof top.
All was not lost. The fact is that we had been playing well and all we needed to do was stop letting them score! A simple philosophy.
Despite some scintillating exchanges opening the opposition up between Lewis, Davison and Gardner the game simply wouldn’t swing. Even the Lewis trade mark free kick off the heel into space left Brown & earlier Murray wrong footed and considering smashing Lewis’s face through the wall for trying to be clever whilst 5-1 down.
Gradually though opportunity evolved….
A penalty, dispatched by Brown in front of Sunderland scout Davison can only have served to further his life long dream to be picked in a first team ahead of Darren Bent….
Davison slotted home from close range to finish off a fine move..
A Murray strike bouncing off the inside of the wall and back into the AIR net
Suddenly it was 5-4
Surely, surely now…….but like all good stories, on the cusp of a sweeping victory one final setback emerged……
A SIXTH AIR goal.
The curse of Gomez’s tracksuit bottoms hung heavy over the Blue’s. The last time that Gomez had adorned alternative goal keeping attire a defeat to JTP had been the result and here we were with 4 minutes left, 6-4 down.
Rumour has it that Gomez doesn’t have different pairs of tracksuit bottoms, he actually has 2 pairs of legs. It’s just that the ones in the grey tracksuit bottoms are in fact bionic.
There was still time for drama…..
…Brown stepping up for a second penalty. There was no way he could score twice, not by hitting the ball the same way? Surely, our luck just wouldn’t hold?
GOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLL
6-5.
Substituting himself for Dunkley, Lewis watched from the side lines resigned to defeat, helplessly watching from the side as Davison, Dunkley, Gardner, Gomez and Brown faced a back 4 of solid green determined to protect their lead for one last minute….it had something of the Dunkirk about it and the Corinthians needed a more of a ‘bridge too far’…….glorious defensive effort underpinned with eventual retreat and failure…..
Dunkley collected the ball on the left, turned his man, raced down the line into the no mans land of the corner of a 5 aside pitch. He cut in toward the goal wrestling off the rough housing defender, he drew back the trigger….
…..’DON’T F***ING SHOOT FROM THERE’ Lewis screamed in his head…….Dunkley prepared to squander the final attack of the game…all was lost, the fans baying for Lewis’s managerial blood, why oh why had he brought Dunkley back on at this critical juncture………..
The shot rifled from Dunkley’s foot squeezing between keeper and near post, busting the net, instant heroism, instant legendary status, instant comeback!
The official greatest comeback top 3 in the guiness book of records now reads:
3- Britain (WW2)
2- Liverpool vs AC MILAN
1- The Corinthians vs AIR
That….is…..a…..FACT.
Monday, 29 March 2010
Corinthians 5-3 A&O - Corinthians 4-3 ABG
All great artists have breaks in their flow of communication. Writers block, personal tragedy, the end of a ‘scene’ to which they belonged all part of the reason.
Often come backs inspire true genius, real progression and spiking public interest (see Blur), others like Oasis, dross regurgitation of what once was and squabbling childish one up man-ship, plausibly entertaining aged 20 but more like watch 2 wretched old alcoholics battle it out over the last bar stool by bringing an awkward looking young bar staff into the argument.
As such, with 2 weeks without a proper Corinthian match report an air of concern shrouds the round robin….when they return…it remains axiomatic that they will be confused and colourful, but will they be good? or will then be the crazed gibberings of a past it old captain clutching an old league trophy in the corner of a park whilst bashing out sententious accounts of sightings of Alex Ferguson on an old typewriter?
Only time will tell.
For the record though, Daniel Dunkley made his long awaited debut to face Allen & Overy 2 weeks ago in a 5-3 Corinthian victory. Hard work made of average opposition, but Dunkley provided some deft touches and regularly sent a baffled defender sprinting off into the distance with an elaborate feint….then promptly fell on his arse or lurched an exhausted leg out a the football ending it casually rolling into the opponents goal keepers arms. Fitness will no doubt improve this! Moment of the game though,
Gomez rolls to Lewis, facing his own goal touches back to Dunkley, Dunkley pass splits the defence, Murray turns on a penny and smashes home a superb goal.
P.s Finnegan scored the 3rd to break the 2 all deadlock, He’s very proud but after his shenanigans the Saturday before last is struck of the plaudits list until further notice….
Last week a narrow 4-3 win over ABG masked a triumphant performance highlights being:
The ABG goal that whizzed past the net into the side netting…but was given as a goal to send them up 1-0
The shot that slapped into keeper Lewis’s naked wet hand…..rendering him a cripple for life
The look of terror in Murray’s eyes as the goalkeeping duty fell heavily onto his shoulders and the score had sneaked ever closer to the disaster that would have been a draw….
Goals for Cenamor, Brown and unfortunately I can’t remember the last one….
But it definitely wasn’t Lewis, who with seconds left, was on the receiving end of a Barcelonaesque passing move, only the keeper to beat and with all the time in the universe, Lewis scuffed the ball wide of the post, possibly not even hitting the back boards, like a giant spastic cripple of a striker that his reputation affords him to be.
2 more wins, and the league looks to be on course for Corinthian ownership again, but with 2 close games, this week needs to be exciting enough to warrant a return to match reporting form.
Often come backs inspire true genius, real progression and spiking public interest (see Blur), others like Oasis, dross regurgitation of what once was and squabbling childish one up man-ship, plausibly entertaining aged 20 but more like watch 2 wretched old alcoholics battle it out over the last bar stool by bringing an awkward looking young bar staff into the argument.
As such, with 2 weeks without a proper Corinthian match report an air of concern shrouds the round robin….when they return…it remains axiomatic that they will be confused and colourful, but will they be good? or will then be the crazed gibberings of a past it old captain clutching an old league trophy in the corner of a park whilst bashing out sententious accounts of sightings of Alex Ferguson on an old typewriter?
Only time will tell.
For the record though, Daniel Dunkley made his long awaited debut to face Allen & Overy 2 weeks ago in a 5-3 Corinthian victory. Hard work made of average opposition, but Dunkley provided some deft touches and regularly sent a baffled defender sprinting off into the distance with an elaborate feint….then promptly fell on his arse or lurched an exhausted leg out a the football ending it casually rolling into the opponents goal keepers arms. Fitness will no doubt improve this! Moment of the game though,
Gomez rolls to Lewis, facing his own goal touches back to Dunkley, Dunkley pass splits the defence, Murray turns on a penny and smashes home a superb goal.
P.s Finnegan scored the 3rd to break the 2 all deadlock, He’s very proud but after his shenanigans the Saturday before last is struck of the plaudits list until further notice….
Last week a narrow 4-3 win over ABG masked a triumphant performance highlights being:
The ABG goal that whizzed past the net into the side netting…but was given as a goal to send them up 1-0
The shot that slapped into keeper Lewis’s naked wet hand…..rendering him a cripple for life
The look of terror in Murray’s eyes as the goalkeeping duty fell heavily onto his shoulders and the score had sneaked ever closer to the disaster that would have been a draw….
Goals for Cenamor, Brown and unfortunately I can’t remember the last one….
But it definitely wasn’t Lewis, who with seconds left, was on the receiving end of a Barcelonaesque passing move, only the keeper to beat and with all the time in the universe, Lewis scuffed the ball wide of the post, possibly not even hitting the back boards, like a giant spastic cripple of a striker that his reputation affords him to be.
2 more wins, and the league looks to be on course for Corinthian ownership again, but with 2 close games, this week needs to be exciting enough to warrant a return to match reporting form.
Monday, 15 March 2010
11/03/10 Corinthians 6 - 2 Gartmore & Corinthians 6 - 3 JTP
This weeks reports will be each smaller more compact and generally more user friendly than the usual blithering nonsense.
Though in total a similar sized towel full of nonsense.
Japan has been taking this approach for years, however, Britain is traditionally slow on the uptake so this will act as a trial for the UK market.
A double header, 80 minutes of constant, high octane, liquid football awaited the Corinthians after a series of cancellations left them having played but 2 games and top of the table Gartmore streaking ahead with 5 games under their considerable belts.
2 wins and the Blue would be top, any calamity and the title race would be wide open, it’s suitors re-invigorated and sure to capitalise.
A fine turn out saw:
Davison
Gardner
Lewis
Finnegan
Brown
Murray
Gomez
Line up for game one to face league leaders Gartmore, and
Lewis
Brown
Finnegan
Tjaadstra
Kristen
Cenamor
Murray
Line up for game two, against seasoned opponents JTP.
A veritable master stroke in managerial logistical organisation created two equally balanced turn outs, bubbling with confidence and raw talent.
……………………………………………..
Vs Gartmore:
Gartmore were an unknown quantity with a fine goal scoring record and men upwards of fifty times the size of the average Corinthian. They also are underpinned with a reputation for having a goal keeper ‘even better than Chad Gomez’.
Incensed, Gomez volunteered his name for the team sheet despite putting himself in a position where he could only catch his train by sneaking down the previous evening and preparing a tunnel escape route over to Paddington which both avoided traffic and indulged his life long dream to feature in a re-enactment of the Great Escape.
Fresh from the grave after the strangulation incident there were concerns over the fitness of Finnegan, now a member of the living dead he is struggling to maintain a healthy diet, preferring to snack on the Brains of unsuspecting passers by.
To welcome his return to the game was a baying, blood thirsty crowd determined to pressurize the Corinthians into a defeat by rattling the ‘cage’ walls, leaping and climbing like the Chimps from planet of the apes preparing for a hunt and generally booing Finnegans every touch….begging the question, are the high fences of the Attlee pitch to keep the ball in, or to keep the community out?
Luckily though there was non fear from the champions. Immediately the football flowed like wine into troubled midfielder Tjaasdtra’s evening glass!
Gardner opened the scoring and there was no looking back, simple touches, sensible positioning and confidence on the ball resulted in an easy 6-2 victory….a victory punctuated by a Davison howling open goal miss (later made up for with 3 or 4 goals)which has lead to negotiations with Danny Baker for footage of the strike for his next side splitting gaffs video and the 490 one on ones that Lewis (not made up for with any goals) casually blasted directly at the keeper in an attempt to test out the ‘better than Gomez’ theory. Murray also slammed home from a tight angle to round of a clinical move and was notably delighted, the Scottish national coach has been sent an oil painting artists impression of the goal which it is understood is how he picks his strikers.
The contract for signing the Gartmore keeper had previously been prepared, but after careful consideration, Gomez has been deemed the better choice. Gomez’s famous leg breaking anecdote proving an insurmountable obstacle for the Gartmore keeper to negotiate past.
Vs JTP
The loss of Gardner, Davison, Gomez and the crowd for game 2 left an eery silence about the pitch and JTP looked strangely resigned to the inevitable defeat that was rapidly headed their way.
There was just one glimmer of hope for JTP, Lewis was in goal and was debating the merit of wearing keeper’s gloves, Dave Brown adamant that perhaps he should. The wisdom of this realised but 2 minutes later as a powerful drive whizzed off Lewis’s flinching prod at the ball, almost resulting in immediate calamity. ‘That’s why you’re wearing gloves’ called the smug voice of Brown.
Needless to say, the Corinthians took JTP by the horns and dispatched them 6-3.
The 3 being totally unnecessary concessions, but the Corinthians are by their very nature a charitable bunch, manager/goal keeper Lewis in particular. Cunningly facing one direction where there were unmarked fellow Blues, he launched the ball in the opposite, the intention; a deceptive and shrewd ball distribution, the result; a comically badly weighted pass to the opposing striker who hammered home the consolation strike.
Finnegan scored goal of the evening from the half way line, ‘why aren’t those kids here to see that’ joshed the much maligned midfielder, before promptly falling over the ball and his feet 2 minutes later…
Kristen netted in his comeback game with a sterling performance, Tjaadstra was like a wildcat that hadn’t been fed for a month, and despite preparing to take a free kick by circling the ball for about 8 minutes as if winding up a mechanism in order to create a kick function was strong and effective all game.
Cenamor took his now perfunctory hat full of goals, though may now miss his chance to feature in England’s world cup squad after (and I quote), ‘pulling an ass cheek’.
All in all a triumph and the suitors for our crown have been dealt with. Not quite as drastically as Odysseus dealt with the suitors for his wife’s hand (by killing them all and feeding their testicle to dogs) though if rumours are to be believed, the return match with Attlee may well result Finnegan ensuring that dogs and testicles coming into contact with each other.
Until next week.
Though in total a similar sized towel full of nonsense.
Japan has been taking this approach for years, however, Britain is traditionally slow on the uptake so this will act as a trial for the UK market.
A double header, 80 minutes of constant, high octane, liquid football awaited the Corinthians after a series of cancellations left them having played but 2 games and top of the table Gartmore streaking ahead with 5 games under their considerable belts.
2 wins and the Blue would be top, any calamity and the title race would be wide open, it’s suitors re-invigorated and sure to capitalise.
A fine turn out saw:
Davison
Gardner
Lewis
Finnegan
Brown
Murray
Gomez
Line up for game one to face league leaders Gartmore, and
Lewis
Brown
Finnegan
Tjaadstra
Kristen
Cenamor
Murray
Line up for game two, against seasoned opponents JTP.
A veritable master stroke in managerial logistical organisation created two equally balanced turn outs, bubbling with confidence and raw talent.
……………………………………………..
Vs Gartmore:
Gartmore were an unknown quantity with a fine goal scoring record and men upwards of fifty times the size of the average Corinthian. They also are underpinned with a reputation for having a goal keeper ‘even better than Chad Gomez’.
Incensed, Gomez volunteered his name for the team sheet despite putting himself in a position where he could only catch his train by sneaking down the previous evening and preparing a tunnel escape route over to Paddington which both avoided traffic and indulged his life long dream to feature in a re-enactment of the Great Escape.
Fresh from the grave after the strangulation incident there were concerns over the fitness of Finnegan, now a member of the living dead he is struggling to maintain a healthy diet, preferring to snack on the Brains of unsuspecting passers by.
To welcome his return to the game was a baying, blood thirsty crowd determined to pressurize the Corinthians into a defeat by rattling the ‘cage’ walls, leaping and climbing like the Chimps from planet of the apes preparing for a hunt and generally booing Finnegans every touch….begging the question, are the high fences of the Attlee pitch to keep the ball in, or to keep the community out?
Luckily though there was non fear from the champions. Immediately the football flowed like wine into troubled midfielder Tjaasdtra’s evening glass!
Gardner opened the scoring and there was no looking back, simple touches, sensible positioning and confidence on the ball resulted in an easy 6-2 victory….a victory punctuated by a Davison howling open goal miss (later made up for with 3 or 4 goals)which has lead to negotiations with Danny Baker for footage of the strike for his next side splitting gaffs video and the 490 one on ones that Lewis (not made up for with any goals) casually blasted directly at the keeper in an attempt to test out the ‘better than Gomez’ theory. Murray also slammed home from a tight angle to round of a clinical move and was notably delighted, the Scottish national coach has been sent an oil painting artists impression of the goal which it is understood is how he picks his strikers.
The contract for signing the Gartmore keeper had previously been prepared, but after careful consideration, Gomez has been deemed the better choice. Gomez’s famous leg breaking anecdote proving an insurmountable obstacle for the Gartmore keeper to negotiate past.
Vs JTP
The loss of Gardner, Davison, Gomez and the crowd for game 2 left an eery silence about the pitch and JTP looked strangely resigned to the inevitable defeat that was rapidly headed their way.
There was just one glimmer of hope for JTP, Lewis was in goal and was debating the merit of wearing keeper’s gloves, Dave Brown adamant that perhaps he should. The wisdom of this realised but 2 minutes later as a powerful drive whizzed off Lewis’s flinching prod at the ball, almost resulting in immediate calamity. ‘That’s why you’re wearing gloves’ called the smug voice of Brown.
Needless to say, the Corinthians took JTP by the horns and dispatched them 6-3.
The 3 being totally unnecessary concessions, but the Corinthians are by their very nature a charitable bunch, manager/goal keeper Lewis in particular. Cunningly facing one direction where there were unmarked fellow Blues, he launched the ball in the opposite, the intention; a deceptive and shrewd ball distribution, the result; a comically badly weighted pass to the opposing striker who hammered home the consolation strike.
Finnegan scored goal of the evening from the half way line, ‘why aren’t those kids here to see that’ joshed the much maligned midfielder, before promptly falling over the ball and his feet 2 minutes later…
Kristen netted in his comeback game with a sterling performance, Tjaadstra was like a wildcat that hadn’t been fed for a month, and despite preparing to take a free kick by circling the ball for about 8 minutes as if winding up a mechanism in order to create a kick function was strong and effective all game.
Cenamor took his now perfunctory hat full of goals, though may now miss his chance to feature in England’s world cup squad after (and I quote), ‘pulling an ass cheek’.
All in all a triumph and the suitors for our crown have been dealt with. Not quite as drastically as Odysseus dealt with the suitors for his wife’s hand (by killing them all and feeding their testicle to dogs) though if rumours are to be believed, the return match with Attlee may well result Finnegan ensuring that dogs and testicles coming into contact with each other.
Until next week.
Friday, 5 March 2010
04/03/10 Corinthians 5 - 4 Attlee
Three weeks can be a long time in football. It can be an even longer time when there is not football. The break had seen the Corinthians squad strength ebb and flow like the quality of BBC broadcasting, but with far less public interest.
Thursday at 18:45 the day finally arrived for the re-acquainting of old friends and the unifying of the bond of underlying talent that all the champions so unselfishly share, more momentous than the ghoulish reanimation of Christ (some call it the resurrection), but more casually dealt with than Manchester United winning the league cup.
However what should have been a slick process of turning up, adorning the baby blue victory jersey and administering the routine brutalizing of the young Attlee opponents rapidly turned into a comedic shambles, an embarrassment of anecdotal riches.
The line up, Finnegan, Cenamor, Lewis, Gomez and new signing Patrick Gallagher.
Finnegan and Lewis were obstructed in transit. Finnegan was concerned that his flashy red boots may prove an over egging of his perceived flair and ability so with time on their side the duo hit the shops in a less glamorous Sex in the City montage, Finnegan playing Sarah Jessica Parker (by request).
As time slipped away a dash for the tube that would have resolved the issue was met with wild ineptitude as incapable of navigating the process of staying still for long enough to reach the destination, Lewis inexplicably leapt of the train, afraid of contracting..tube-urculosis from the tightly packed public.
Luckily, Lewis knew the way to the ground...simply turn down the wrong street and navigate an elaborate and unnecessary walk up to Tower hill and back down to Aldgate. Simple.
The Corinthians fined a 1-0 deficit, Lewis and Finnegan rushed to get ready.
Incapable of even this simple exchange of one set of attire for another, the situation spiked into the ridiculous when a moment of self realisation unearthed the following reality:
I was standing in the middle of a men’s changing room in just my boxers and socks, struggling to undo the cufflinks of a topless Finnegan who had locked his hands into his shirt with an ill chosen attempt to pull the shirt off without undoing the cuffs.
If my mother had walked in I would have been disowned.
If a 1940's Nazi had walked in I would have been instantly shot dead.
If Steven Hawking had walked in, he would have just been showing off his miracle cure.
Finally, the game kicked off. Except it wasn't against 5 skillful yet under developed 14 year old Asian urbanites....it was against 5 very effectively developed, salivating savages, convinced that the white man had come to plunder their women.
Initially there were some fine performances all round, skilful exchanges between the Corinthians and solid, energetic tackling when defending.
Cenamor ensured that the equaliser was quickly found and in no time the Corinthians lead 2-1. It was notable that the opposition had developed a penchant for the hand off, the kick in the back of the leg and the thudding crunch into a side wall though, which as the Corinthians tired began to wear on their nerves.
With fatigue setting in, Attlee grabbed an equaliser which galvanised them into believing that victory was in sight. Quick exchanges and well positioned runs kept them on the back foot but on occasion, a lacklustre defensive effort would leave Gomez exposed. Preferring only to expose himself in urban back alleys' on a weekend, he did a fine job of keeping the scores level.
Then a 3-2 lead was opened up, which lead to a further escalation of violence and an eventual sin bin for one body odorous bearded member of Attlee.
Eventually, including goals from Gallagher and Finnegan, the scores were poised at 4-3 and time was ticking away. The Corinthians looked shaky though, Cenamor literally dragging his lungs behind him like dog that didn't fancy going for a walk. Lewis resorting to positional delegation and weakly being nudged off the ball, Gallagher sensing the rise in tensions was looking to calm the team and Finnegan had begun a slow process of taking personal issue with the personal hygiene challenged bearded chap.
Suddenly a rucus exploded between Finnegan and Mohammed el Beard and face slapping was in evidence. Naturally the teams ran in to calm the situation, though one of the Attlee players, closer resembling 'The Thing' from the fantastic 4 than an actual human, got up a pace that belied his build then forgetting that he was playing football at a community centre and not cage fighting for the world championship, an easy mistake to make, grabbed an unsuspecting Finnegan from behind and administered the type of WWF sleeper hold that all teenage boys circa 1994 tried and failed to administer to anyone that came to hand.
Gradually a sense of the situation came upon us all. He wasn't going to let go. He was going to kill Finnegan. Headlines raced before our eyes as Asian/Irish relations looked doomed to be placed under international scrutiny.
'Irishman butchered on the field of play by local Asian activist'.
Corinthian protests were met with the call,
"What does he think he's doing? This is home turf blood"
Quite right too.
As Finnegan slipped into unconsciousness and 'The Thing' accepted his inevitable banishment, I noticed that there was a man taking professional photographs at the side of the pitch.
Presumably the cash strapped community centre in a bid to secure further funding wanted to create a presentation including visual evidence of the local integration propagated by the 5-aside project.
Instead he left with an arm full of photographs of an Asian man strangling a Middle class white man to death...whilst wearing shorts.
Perhaps he had been witness to the sexually confusing cufflink incident earlier in the episode and it had suddenly snapped his simple mind? That, we could all understand.
Understandably this left the final 5 minutes to be quite a tense atmosphere. Attlee equalised, and promptly celebrated as if they had just received conclusive evidence that Christian Jesus wasn't real.
Always quietly confident though, the surviving Corinthians battled for the honour of the now deceased Finnegan and Cenamor managed one last gasping wheezing effort, and the game was won. A roar greeted the 5-4 score line and MBE's are in the post for all concerned.
A letter of commiseration is being Drafted for Mr & Mrs Finnegan, who will be comforted to know that their son died fighting for his religion on a foreign field.
For God, For Country, For Finnegan.
Thursday at 18:45 the day finally arrived for the re-acquainting of old friends and the unifying of the bond of underlying talent that all the champions so unselfishly share, more momentous than the ghoulish reanimation of Christ (some call it the resurrection), but more casually dealt with than Manchester United winning the league cup.
However what should have been a slick process of turning up, adorning the baby blue victory jersey and administering the routine brutalizing of the young Attlee opponents rapidly turned into a comedic shambles, an embarrassment of anecdotal riches.
The line up, Finnegan, Cenamor, Lewis, Gomez and new signing Patrick Gallagher.
Finnegan and Lewis were obstructed in transit. Finnegan was concerned that his flashy red boots may prove an over egging of his perceived flair and ability so with time on their side the duo hit the shops in a less glamorous Sex in the City montage, Finnegan playing Sarah Jessica Parker (by request).
As time slipped away a dash for the tube that would have resolved the issue was met with wild ineptitude as incapable of navigating the process of staying still for long enough to reach the destination, Lewis inexplicably leapt of the train, afraid of contracting..tube-urculosis from the tightly packed public.
Luckily, Lewis knew the way to the ground...simply turn down the wrong street and navigate an elaborate and unnecessary walk up to Tower hill and back down to Aldgate. Simple.
The Corinthians fined a 1-0 deficit, Lewis and Finnegan rushed to get ready.
Incapable of even this simple exchange of one set of attire for another, the situation spiked into the ridiculous when a moment of self realisation unearthed the following reality:
I was standing in the middle of a men’s changing room in just my boxers and socks, struggling to undo the cufflinks of a topless Finnegan who had locked his hands into his shirt with an ill chosen attempt to pull the shirt off without undoing the cuffs.
If my mother had walked in I would have been disowned.
If a 1940's Nazi had walked in I would have been instantly shot dead.
If Steven Hawking had walked in, he would have just been showing off his miracle cure.
Finally, the game kicked off. Except it wasn't against 5 skillful yet under developed 14 year old Asian urbanites....it was against 5 very effectively developed, salivating savages, convinced that the white man had come to plunder their women.
Initially there were some fine performances all round, skilful exchanges between the Corinthians and solid, energetic tackling when defending.
Cenamor ensured that the equaliser was quickly found and in no time the Corinthians lead 2-1. It was notable that the opposition had developed a penchant for the hand off, the kick in the back of the leg and the thudding crunch into a side wall though, which as the Corinthians tired began to wear on their nerves.
With fatigue setting in, Attlee grabbed an equaliser which galvanised them into believing that victory was in sight. Quick exchanges and well positioned runs kept them on the back foot but on occasion, a lacklustre defensive effort would leave Gomez exposed. Preferring only to expose himself in urban back alleys' on a weekend, he did a fine job of keeping the scores level.
Then a 3-2 lead was opened up, which lead to a further escalation of violence and an eventual sin bin for one body odorous bearded member of Attlee.
Eventually, including goals from Gallagher and Finnegan, the scores were poised at 4-3 and time was ticking away. The Corinthians looked shaky though, Cenamor literally dragging his lungs behind him like dog that didn't fancy going for a walk. Lewis resorting to positional delegation and weakly being nudged off the ball, Gallagher sensing the rise in tensions was looking to calm the team and Finnegan had begun a slow process of taking personal issue with the personal hygiene challenged bearded chap.
Suddenly a rucus exploded between Finnegan and Mohammed el Beard and face slapping was in evidence. Naturally the teams ran in to calm the situation, though one of the Attlee players, closer resembling 'The Thing' from the fantastic 4 than an actual human, got up a pace that belied his build then forgetting that he was playing football at a community centre and not cage fighting for the world championship, an easy mistake to make, grabbed an unsuspecting Finnegan from behind and administered the type of WWF sleeper hold that all teenage boys circa 1994 tried and failed to administer to anyone that came to hand.
Gradually a sense of the situation came upon us all. He wasn't going to let go. He was going to kill Finnegan. Headlines raced before our eyes as Asian/Irish relations looked doomed to be placed under international scrutiny.
'Irishman butchered on the field of play by local Asian activist'.
Corinthian protests were met with the call,
"What does he think he's doing? This is home turf blood"
Quite right too.
As Finnegan slipped into unconsciousness and 'The Thing' accepted his inevitable banishment, I noticed that there was a man taking professional photographs at the side of the pitch.
Presumably the cash strapped community centre in a bid to secure further funding wanted to create a presentation including visual evidence of the local integration propagated by the 5-aside project.
Instead he left with an arm full of photographs of an Asian man strangling a Middle class white man to death...whilst wearing shorts.
Perhaps he had been witness to the sexually confusing cufflink incident earlier in the episode and it had suddenly snapped his simple mind? That, we could all understand.
Understandably this left the final 5 minutes to be quite a tense atmosphere. Attlee equalised, and promptly celebrated as if they had just received conclusive evidence that Christian Jesus wasn't real.
Always quietly confident though, the surviving Corinthians battled for the honour of the now deceased Finnegan and Cenamor managed one last gasping wheezing effort, and the game was won. A roar greeted the 5-4 score line and MBE's are in the post for all concerned.
A letter of commiseration is being Drafted for Mr & Mrs Finnegan, who will be comforted to know that their son died fighting for his religion on a foreign field.
For God, For Country, For Finnegan.
Friday, 5 February 2010
Corinthians 8 - 1 ABG 04/02/10
What would the dawning of a new season bring for the Corinthians? The new season’s league consists of new sides, old enemies, unknown quantities and seasoned embittered opponents.
Inconsistent attendance, Christmas fitness and busy social calendars threatened to undo the Champions with a poor response from the initial call to arms for this opening game, but great empires do not fall easily and a late rallying call boosted squad numbers and quality to the expected level.
And so the scene was set, new season, new opponents, same old nonchalant Corinthians.
In the pre match warm up, the pretenders (the opposition not the band) arrived en masse, they warmed up with a sense of real intent and the question of a genuine challenge to the crown was being asked.
In the words of MAD magazine…..’What me Worry?’ We: Lewis, Finnegan, Cenamor, Tjaadstra, Gomez, Brown, Murray: did not.
As soon as the ball dropped into play the Light Blues began stroking it around with the confidence of a mid season Manchester United and it was not long before Finnegan opened the scoring with a clinical finish. The papers had highlighted a potential dip in form from the man of Irish descent, a strange investment in a pair of flashy new red/orange boots seemed to have distracted the midfielders attention. It is rumoured that they had previously been owned by one David Bentley for the last 18 months….who had disposed of the accursed distractions on the eve of the Leeds game return to form….Finnegan suspected of rummaging through Bentley’s bin in search of a lock of his hair finding the boots instead.
With 2 substitutes there was no excuse for fitness issues and the subs rolled on and off with the regularity of a Katie Price wedding. One of the unfortunate opponents announcing, ‘you’ve got a good side mate’….’thanks’ said Lewis, a sickly smile masking his true sentiments….’don’t speak to me, just fuck off over there and get used to losing’. Clearly a heat of the moment thought pattern, but warranted smugness come the final whistle.
in⋅sur⋅mount⋅a⋅ble
ˌɪn sərˈmaʊn tə bəlShow Spelled Pronunciation [in-ser-moun-tuh-buh l] Show IPA
–adjective
incapable of being surmounted, passed over, or overcome; insuperable: an insurmountable obstacle.
AKA
A Corinthian half time lead.
The game saw the usual brand of intelligent football sharply followed by applause from the manager and as usual it was interspersed with the occasional lapse in concentration that was sharply followed by ‘FFFUCCCCCCKKKKKINNNNNNNGGGG HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL LLAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDSSSSSS’ from the indomitable and once again sublime, Gomez. Although, upset with the ‘save outside of the box incident’ the more difficult to please of the fans on the national comment boards are calling for the return of Mike Anderson; A potential resigning for the club?
Lewis had this to say:
‘Mike Anderson was great servant and ambassador for the club, his maverick outfield technique will remain forever close the hearts of the fans. However there has been no contact between management and player and current number one Chad Gomez will receive my full support for the foreseeable future…..besides it’s my fault really, for asking him to think outside of the box…..’
There was a hatrick for Brown, a brace a piece for Finnegan and Cenamor and a goal from inside his own half from Lewis.
Tjaadstra and Murray played their part though, both going close on innumerate occasion and playing their own parts in the build up play to all the goals.
Wild card Tjaadstra was later seen out in trendy Soho, the Corinthian website chronicalling the press coverage of the slow media image down fall of one of games troubled men: http://www.clubwebsite.co.uk/incisivecorithinans
Another victory, another auspicious looking season.
Log on to the website for updates on the Tjaadstra saga but remember, we do our talking…. falling over and………wheezing, ON the pitch.
Inconsistent attendance, Christmas fitness and busy social calendars threatened to undo the Champions with a poor response from the initial call to arms for this opening game, but great empires do not fall easily and a late rallying call boosted squad numbers and quality to the expected level.
And so the scene was set, new season, new opponents, same old nonchalant Corinthians.
In the pre match warm up, the pretenders (the opposition not the band) arrived en masse, they warmed up with a sense of real intent and the question of a genuine challenge to the crown was being asked.
In the words of MAD magazine…..’What me Worry?’ We: Lewis, Finnegan, Cenamor, Tjaadstra, Gomez, Brown, Murray: did not.
As soon as the ball dropped into play the Light Blues began stroking it around with the confidence of a mid season Manchester United and it was not long before Finnegan opened the scoring with a clinical finish. The papers had highlighted a potential dip in form from the man of Irish descent, a strange investment in a pair of flashy new red/orange boots seemed to have distracted the midfielders attention. It is rumoured that they had previously been owned by one David Bentley for the last 18 months….who had disposed of the accursed distractions on the eve of the Leeds game return to form….Finnegan suspected of rummaging through Bentley’s bin in search of a lock of his hair finding the boots instead.
With 2 substitutes there was no excuse for fitness issues and the subs rolled on and off with the regularity of a Katie Price wedding. One of the unfortunate opponents announcing, ‘you’ve got a good side mate’….’thanks’ said Lewis, a sickly smile masking his true sentiments….’don’t speak to me, just fuck off over there and get used to losing’. Clearly a heat of the moment thought pattern, but warranted smugness come the final whistle.
in⋅sur⋅mount⋅a⋅ble
ˌɪn sərˈmaʊn tə bəlShow Spelled Pronunciation [in-ser-moun-tuh-buh l] Show IPA
–adjective
incapable of being surmounted, passed over, or overcome; insuperable: an insurmountable obstacle.
AKA
A Corinthian half time lead.
The game saw the usual brand of intelligent football sharply followed by applause from the manager and as usual it was interspersed with the occasional lapse in concentration that was sharply followed by ‘FFFUCCCCCCKKKKKINNNNNNNGGGG HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL LLAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDSSSSSS’ from the indomitable and once again sublime, Gomez. Although, upset with the ‘save outside of the box incident’ the more difficult to please of the fans on the national comment boards are calling for the return of Mike Anderson; A potential resigning for the club?
Lewis had this to say:
‘Mike Anderson was great servant and ambassador for the club, his maverick outfield technique will remain forever close the hearts of the fans. However there has been no contact between management and player and current number one Chad Gomez will receive my full support for the foreseeable future…..besides it’s my fault really, for asking him to think outside of the box…..’
There was a hatrick for Brown, a brace a piece for Finnegan and Cenamor and a goal from inside his own half from Lewis.
Tjaadstra and Murray played their part though, both going close on innumerate occasion and playing their own parts in the build up play to all the goals.
Wild card Tjaadstra was later seen out in trendy Soho, the Corinthian website chronicalling the press coverage of the slow media image down fall of one of games troubled men: http://www.clubwebsite.co.uk/incisivecorithinans
Another victory, another auspicious looking season.
Log on to the website for updates on the Tjaadstra saga but remember, we do our talking…. falling over and………wheezing, ON the pitch.
Monday, 25 January 2010
Corinthians 6 -4 Haworth Tomkins 21/01/10
The ending of an Ice Age has begun. Begininng is the occasional cold snap that both punctuates the change in the earth’s climate as well as once wiped out the Neanderthal. It is said that for the next 20 years, we can expect such troublesome winters.
It is in the wake of events that signify such awe inspiring change that the Corinthians emerged for their first performance in a good month or so.
The team roll call rankled of the battle fields of the latter years of the Passchendale offensive of 1917. Seasonal financial calamity, ill health and work related matters limited numbers as the Christmas survivors gathered for their final offensive, new recruits fresh faced and unawares of the tribulation that lay ahead.
Lewis, Brown and Gomez lined up from the old guard and new faces Tom Wallace (or Tim as confused, bewildered, team pensioner Lewis insisted on calling him) and Deano Reynolds made up the numbers.
Unfortunately in a further example of the decaying mind of an elderly gentleman, Lewis had given everyone the wrong time, so a 40 minute wait ensued in the changing rooms, raising the tension levels and introducing everyone to Gomez’s previously unannounced allegiance to the Gunners….a Corinthian first…..the only previous Arsenal being the one provided by the left boot of one Andrew Towning….(awful joke, sorry).
The Corinthians were clearly perturbed by the admission and promptly (and correctly) permitted the opposition to pepper Gomez with shots, shots which were keenly deflected but hopefully hurt.
Then as the cobwebs blew away and the Corinthians found their stride, a 3-0 lead was opened up….however…with a comfortable lead to play with it seemed reasonable to allow the opposition to kick the ball as hard as they could at the Arsenal fan again. A struggle ensued and for once, the blues where given a run for their money.
The game finished 6-4. Goals for all and a comfortable win in the end, a return to modus operandi:
Reynolds and Wallace tasted their first 5 aside championship winning season on their debut, Lewis scored goals, but blasted sitters high and wide on an almost minute by minute basis and Brown managed to flirt with the red card throughout.
Asked whether or not he would be spending in the transfer window, Manager Lewis had this to say:
‘Why buy when you can groom’.
A sentiment that could also be applied to his attitude toward the fairer sex.
It is in the wake of events that signify such awe inspiring change that the Corinthians emerged for their first performance in a good month or so.
The team roll call rankled of the battle fields of the latter years of the Passchendale offensive of 1917. Seasonal financial calamity, ill health and work related matters limited numbers as the Christmas survivors gathered for their final offensive, new recruits fresh faced and unawares of the tribulation that lay ahead.
Lewis, Brown and Gomez lined up from the old guard and new faces Tom Wallace (or Tim as confused, bewildered, team pensioner Lewis insisted on calling him) and Deano Reynolds made up the numbers.
Unfortunately in a further example of the decaying mind of an elderly gentleman, Lewis had given everyone the wrong time, so a 40 minute wait ensued in the changing rooms, raising the tension levels and introducing everyone to Gomez’s previously unannounced allegiance to the Gunners….a Corinthian first…..the only previous Arsenal being the one provided by the left boot of one Andrew Towning….(awful joke, sorry).
The Corinthians were clearly perturbed by the admission and promptly (and correctly) permitted the opposition to pepper Gomez with shots, shots which were keenly deflected but hopefully hurt.
Then as the cobwebs blew away and the Corinthians found their stride, a 3-0 lead was opened up….however…with a comfortable lead to play with it seemed reasonable to allow the opposition to kick the ball as hard as they could at the Arsenal fan again. A struggle ensued and for once, the blues where given a run for their money.
The game finished 6-4. Goals for all and a comfortable win in the end, a return to modus operandi:
Reynolds and Wallace tasted their first 5 aside championship winning season on their debut, Lewis scored goals, but blasted sitters high and wide on an almost minute by minute basis and Brown managed to flirt with the red card throughout.
Asked whether or not he would be spending in the transfer window, Manager Lewis had this to say:
‘Why buy when you can groom’.
A sentiment that could also be applied to his attitude toward the fairer sex.
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